Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…

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Warning! Before you read any further, I’m about to discuss politics and magic in the same blog post. If you’ve no interest in either, feel free to move on. I’m aware that politics is a highly divisive subject and likely to lose me as many readers as I might gain from it. That’s fine. Leave with my blessing. I’m not going to hide my opinions on this subject because it’s beyond finances or policies, it’s about preserving the lives and liberty of people I love, including myself. 

I consider myself a Social Justice Witch. I haven’t had to Work much for myself and my family in years, thanks to My Spirits. I have the time and the energy to spend on the World and making it a better place for everyone. I realize not everyone has, and that everyone believes anything can be accomplished through Witchcraft, or Magic, or whatever you want to call it. I have dedicated myself to this now for years. 

Unbelievably, there’s an article from CBN (Christian Broadcast Network) of all places, that is making its rounds in the magical world. Inasmuch as I would never consider CBN to be a viable news source, the original source, if you will, seems to be The Toronto Star, These witches are trying to use their power to defeat Donald Trump. From there, Birmingham, Alabama’s ABC affiliate dug into Reddit to find a post regarding witches discussing the feeling that their spells just weren’t doing it, Self-proclaimed Witches Say Spells Won’t Work on Trump. 

Then, and only then, did it reach the radar of CBN among others. So now, of course, the Christian Nationalists who are fans of the current administration and it’s beloved “Project 2025” are aware of all this. I finally became aware of all this through a couple of different YouTube channels that I follow who had their own commentaries on this. One channel is primarily politics, and laughed at the whole concept more, or less. The other, a “witchy” channel, unfortunately agreed.

I say unfortunately, because if you’re one of the people who believe this, you need to take a good long look at yourself.

My first take on all this is that if you don’t think your spells are working, or believe that they can’t work, they won’t work. I realize that “faith” is something of a dirty word in magical circles these days, but the truth is that faith has a lot to do with magic. Faith in yourself, your gods, the vibrations of materials, whatever, but it’s faith, nonetheless. You must believe.

Your disbelief will undercut every Work you do. This is one of the reasons that some people in Chaos Magic working with Sigils will do the best they can to actually forget what they just did. If you forget, you can’t doubt. You can’t attack and self-defeat your Workings. You set them free to do what they were engineered to do and go on with your life.

It’s one of the hardest things to do in magic, to forget, to not worry, to absolutely believe that what you’ve just done will have the effect you desire. It takes an amount of confidence that, frankly, makes some people in the culture socially unsufferable. But that’s a topic for a different day.

My next point is that it takes time. Sometimes, it takes a lot of time for spellwork to Work. Just look at how many different parts have to be moved and shifted in order to change something as HUGE as the President of the United States. Just “binding” him is a feat of extraordinary scope, and that’s if all the participants of the group effort have the same concept of what binding even is. Binding him might not even be the best action to take.

This is my own personal opinion, as a poly-spiritist and a Social Justice Witch. Your perspectives will undoubtedly be different but give me a chance to express myself here. I mean, it is my blog after all. Their “god” is not omnipotent, omnipresent, or omnipotent any more than any other god. There, I said it. If you’re worried about him being protected by prayer, well, give their god a prayer of your own. There were cultures upon-a-time that would actually bribe the gods of the enemy, often successfully. They would simply promise the enemy’s deity that they would take better care of them, dedicate a temple, or a shrine or something. Might be worth a try.

You could also pray to one of the other gods of their Holy Book. Turn him in to Elohim or Asherah, for instance. Historically speaking, Yahweh was likely originally a god in the pantheon that was ruled by El, and the pantheon would have been referred to as Elohim. Asherah was the wife of Yahweh. One of them might have something to say about Yahweh’s behavior. Or, as some Christian Witches believe, the “god” of Christian Nationalists might be an Egregore. In which case, appealing to Yahweh, the true God of Christianity, might set that straight. That’s all, of course, if you’re a cleric type of magical person. If you don’t Work with deities, you’ve got a lot of other options.

Don’t attack the tree, attack the roots. Use your Craft and go after the members of Heritage Foundation, the Republican Party, various YouTube Evangelists and influencers. Go after Shittler. Divide and conquer by sewing discord between the various factions who support this regime. Influence your local governments, open the eyes of people individually to see what is actually going on with the Republican party and how it’s been taken over and replaced by what appears to be pure evil. Much like the rebellion that finally started in the GOP when the regime began attacking Medicare, Social Security, and Medicaid, you might see reactions when they realize that artificial insemination, condoms, and porn are on the cutting block according to Project 2025 as well. Facts matter; it’s just a question of what facts matter in whose life.

For those of us who are seriously opposed to interfering with the free will of anyone, there are plenty of options. Protecting the most vulnerable in our society, the most endangered, would be at the top of my list. Or hiding them. Giving strength and energy to those who are on the front lines of the battle, protestors, politicians, independent journalists, etc., and protecting them as they voice their opposition to Cheetolini.

There are so many roles to fill, so many possible ways to put your energy out into the world where it will make the most difference. No one is completely protected. No one is completely shielded. We just have to find the chink in the armor, much like the loose scale on the belly of Smaug. We have to be creative, sure, and direct hits will likely be deflected. That doesn’t mean we give up. It means we fight harder and more consistently.

It’s Just Business?

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Can I tell you how much I detest that phrase? I’ve never had any use for it, and some of the worst people in my life have used that as an excuse for all sorts of horrid actions. It’s never been just business to me.

But then, I think I’ve vented about that before. I am me. I’ve worked very hard, and I’m still working very hard, to be me. I will not divide myself into bite-sized chunks for easy digestion. It just doesn’t work that way. My religion, witchcraft, crafts, arts, politics, humor, disabilities, and neuro-spiciness can’t be parsed out.

When I was searching my brain for a business name, for a brand, as they call it, I wanted something all-encompassing. Like this blog, it was going to be my home, so I needed to be comfortable in it, and feel it expressed all those facets of me-ness. I’ve had a few bad business names in my life, and I’ve seethed with jealousy at friends who just had the best, most creative, most interesting business names. No one seemed to be able to help me with that, though. I don’t know why but all those friends with brilliant business names weren’t able to help me come up with one for mine.

I was on my own.

The breakthrough came when I managed to get an email address with no numbers or extra letters for the name of one of my all-time favorite movies; “High Spirits.”

It’s an older movie, so I expect almost no one has seen it, and of the few who have, I suspect you might not remember it. Without exaggeration, this is one of the most accurate movies about Spirits I have ever seen.

Yes, it is a comedy. I mean, with Peter O’Toole and Steve Guttenberg I doubt there was any doubt in your minds about that. And still, a very realistic portrayal of Spirits. They are, for me at least, very much as they were in life. I don’t see them, so I don’t see the disintegration of the body so much as depicted in this movie, although I’ve hears some psychics who claim to see them this way. I have the feeling for the movie, it was more of a costume decision than an attempt at realism, though.

Obviously, that’s about all my business has in common with this movie. But it was definitely the inspiration. I could see that some would assume it was “high” as in certain recreational and medicinal substances “high,” but that wasn’t part of my inspiration for the business at the time. It is one of my me-ness facets, though, as I do use that substance medicinally as I have peripheral neuropathy. It’s one of the few substances I have found that actually works for nerve pain and is an excellent substitute for the prescription medicine that would otherwise be my only other choice.

Not that kind of “high spirits”!

There is a play on words here, though. Because in Spiritism I learned that praying for the Spirits enlightens them. A word play that absolutely works better in English. As a polytheistic Spiritist, as opposed to the normal Catholic flavor, I don’t necessarily see prayer as the connection here, but I do believe that communicating, working with them, and caring for them does “raise” them in a way. It’s not as much a matter of getting into heaven as it is improving the life of their incarnation present with me in this time frame but also gives them something of an edge on the other side. The details are still a bit unclear, but it’s what I’ve been hearing lately.

Naturally, the exact name of “High Spirits” was not available on Etsy. Which is fine. I don’t think I’d want it to be exact as then there could be potential conflict with the movie. As much as it is an inspiration for my business name, I did like the idea of setting myself apart. The obvious choice for me was to add “Divine.” More word play for the win!

Divine because for most of us, at least, the Spirits I am creating for are considered “Gods.” Whatever that is. 😉Gods are, no matter their characteristics, the definition of “Divine.” A word play needs two different meanings at least, so let’s throw on there that I also use divination to determine what to do for whom. Well, often I do at least. Sometimes it’s more of a known factor, and sometimes I have to whip out my pendulum and ask. I’m slowly becoming less dependent on the pendulum which is a big “YAY”. For a third part to this fun little word play, divine with a lower-case d, as in my designs are “divine.” Beautiful, or at least I like to think so.

There’s part of the Origin Story for High Spirits Divine Jewelry & Sundries 🙂. There’s more, of course, and I’ll get to it one of these days. In the meantime, I have some Dionysus products that I need to get out and some edits on Brigid I’m working on!

Honestly, these two are having a great time being difficult!

Do yourself a favor. If you haven’t watched High Spirits, give it a whirl. It’s on YouTube for free.

Business Anxiety Relief

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I have the best customers in the world.

There are a lot of companies, businesses, and people out there who might say that, but I actually mean it. I was really scared about customers when I first started with Etsy. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been. But you hear things, you know? Horror stories of people trying to return things and claiming they’re broken or lost or whatever, just to get their money back.

That kind of thing can really hurt a small business. As a business of one, my business is about as small as it can get. I’m probably even more paranoid because I’ve already closed one business. That hurt. A lot. It was frightening going back into the deep end. Hell, it took me about 13-14 years to recover enough to think about it. So yeah, I was scared.

When I started in on POD, I was even scared-er. It’s a new world. I have no control, really, on quality control, something I’ve always been extremely proud of with my jewelry and other beaded pieces. I have to trust that the company I’ve chosen is going to take care of my customers. YIKES. BIG YIKES!

As the holiday season began, and I actually had sales, I started to encounter problems. Not big ones, but still, problems. I was nervous and freaking out. A lot. My printers ran out of the mousepads I’m printing my pendulum pads on, the round ones, and of course I got an order for one. PANIC! I had no idea if they had simply run out of them, or if they were discontinuing them.

This just wouldn’t look the same if it were square!

Nervous beyond necessity, I messaged the printers first to try and find out if I was even going to be able to carry these things any more. Then, before it would be humanly possible for anyone to answer that question, I messaged the customer. I told them the situation, and a whole list of possible options. I could have it printed on a square mousepad, or we could upgrade it to either the wooden board or the leather one, but I couldn’t even get a preview of the leather one yet, so I had no IDEA what it would look like. Or we could wait, and see what the printers said.

My goodness, they were amazing. SO understanding, patient, and almost nonchalant about what seemed like a life-or-death situation to me! 🙂To say I was relieved was an understatement.

That story, of course, ended exactly as you probably thought it would. They had simply run short, in a couple of days they had refilled the supply, and it was printed and speedily on the way to that WONDERFUL human. Phew.

I’ve mentioned I have anxiety, right?

There was a “horrible” misprint of a Hekate journal that another customer ended up with. By horrible, I mean it was mildly wrinkled on a corner, and part of the cover wasn’t properly printed all the way to the edge. That can happen. But, naturally, I freaked out again. Another wonderful customer, though! They happily provided me with the photographic evidence I needed for the printer and BAM! Just like that it’s reprinted and flying on the way to them. Handled.

There was just a small, squished dent in one corner, but it was devastating to me!

WHY do I always panic?

Then, there are the customers who don’t know how wonderful, warm and fuzzy they’ve made me feel.

Every time one of the “patriarchy” variations sells, my heart sings. Every time I sell one overseas, even though the postage is outrageous, I feel absolutely loved. The latest was a customer who was not only overseas, but bought a shirt in a multiple X size. As a person of extra girth myself, it was really important to me to find sizes that go as high as I could possibly get, so I’ve chosen a printer who, at least in most styles, offers up to 5x. I’m irritated as hell that they charge me so much more for the larger sizes, but if I start selling more and can spread out the loss, I won’t pass that on to the customer anymore. If. I hope to. 💜 Knowing that someone purchased it, and appreciated it’s availability even though I had to charge more? Priceless.

Maybe someday I’ll stop panicking every time I run into a speedbump. With customers like this, I’m sure to. That and continuing my therapy!

It’s Wonderful

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Nothing’s Written in Stone

One of my favorite benefits to not following a written doctrine is that I get to “rewrite” my beliefs to my heart’s content. No one tells me what to believe, nothing at all is written in stone. I can bend, flex, shrug things off, and turn completely around as much as I like. I don’t normally do the complete 180 degrees, but I often go off at right angles.

My most complicated question for myself is what do I call myself. Not many people care, I think, and I don’t know why I do. Christians have it pretty easy with this. The denomination of the church you attend has a name, the church has a name. There are neat and tidy labels for everything.

With my just a “touch” of OCD, I do love labels. Too much. I guess in some way I crave them. I imagine the other factor in that it is damn hard to find a community if you don’t have a label. In order to agree on something, it’s sort of necessary to define it.

Granted, everyone seems to be okay with the myriad of terms that we all grab at to use daily. Pagan, neo-pagan, Wiccan, witch are all sort of used interchangeably. I wonder frequently if the people using these terms actually understand them. I mean, I knew a couple who proudly claimed to be “Wiccan” but had never heard of Aradia, which I would have considered mandatory reading upon a time. I guess I’m old! 😁

The long form of what I call myself, to those who actually ask, is “hard-polytheistic, poly-pantheonic Spiritist.” Even then I lose half the people I’m talking to. Few people seem to know the difference between “Spiritist” and “Spiritualist,” and lemme tell ya there is a pretty big difference there. However, even people who constantly practice Spiritism actually know what it is, or that it’s what they do. It’s what they’ve learned, and that’s what they practice, it’s just that simple.

Okay, it’s not actually that simple, but we’re not going down that particular rabbit hole today, if you don’t mind. If you really want to know and are just dying of curiosity, feel free to drop me a message or comment here, and I’ll get around to it!

I’m not even going to discuss the people who would tell me, vehemently, that you can’t work with Deities from different Pantheons. This is my belief system and I can do whatever I feel I am supposed to do, and it’s between myself and the Entities I Work with. You can do the same. I might think your beliefs are ridiculous, and you might think mine are. I won’t pick on you if you don’t pick on me. However, if you really feel pressed to tell me what I’m doing “wrong” be aware I’ll do the same for you. Also, thanks to therapy, I have learned how to use tools such as the “block button” efficiently and with great pleasure!

To review, I used to embrace the title of “Omnist.” It seemed to embrace everything all at once, which I loved. I still do, but it seems as though someone has organized some sort of religious grouping–church, coven, grove, temple, whatever–and named it Omnist. That wouldn’t bother me at all, except they seem to have dug up the old “ALL GODS ARE ONE GOD” thing, which is exactly opposite my own views. Once you’ve interacted with a Spirit of any kind, you get a feel for them, and they are all different. Extremely different, in some cases.

Whether or not I’m communicating directly with Gods or with their representatives or messengers isn’t quite clear to me yet but, they’re still different. With their own personalities, and methods of getting messages through to my very think mortal head. I just can’t get down with soft-polytheism.

As much as I want to belong to the right label, I equally don’t want to belong to the wrong label. So Omnism is officially out. For me, at any rate. Individual results will, as always, vary.

It didn’t take as long to find my very own personal term, one that I’ve never heard from anyone else, but is so incredibly simple that I think it’s moderately brilliant. Or not. Whichever, lol. As far as I know I’m the first, especially as there are so few people who actually know what Spiritism is, and that the majority of practitioners of Spiritism are Catholic (much as most of those who practice Voodoo are). They don’t really travel in “pagan” circles very often.

I know absolutely embrace the label of “poly-Spiritist.” Many, many spirits. Since my core belief gets down to one principle, that being that all Gods, Demons, Angels, Demi-gods, Daimons, Ancestors, Disincarnate Human Spirits, Fae, Orishas, Lwa, etc., are all Spirits, just different types of Spirits, I think it fits me pretty damn well.

Another difference between my own practice and others is the lack of worship. I don’t worship any Entity. I respect them, I love them, I cooperate with them, I give them “offerings,” and treats of various kinds, but it’s not in a spirit of worship. It’s rather in a spirit of love. I do these things because I want to, not because they’re demanded of me or because there’s some sort of pre-ordained ritual I must partake in because of the date or moon phase or what-have-you. We Work together. I can’t call it a friendship exactly, because they are not like me in many, many ways. But there’s no kneeling in this House. They’re my guides, my teachers, my family, my Guardians.

I am still a Witch, and always have been, always will be regardless of religious observations. Call it as you will, I practice magic or magick, whichever. I don’t often feel it necessary to perform much for myself or my family. There’s not much I have the need for in my own life. My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years, so I’ve no need of love spells. We have enough of what we need in this world, so I’ve no need of money work. I find myself with talent, time, and knowledge, but not a lot to do. This is why I’ve started my Social Justice Witchcraft. Unlike many, I am fortunate enough to have the time to Work for the larger world. For my friends, for those who are currently threatened in this social climate, for people not even here yet. That’s a different rabbit-hole, though. I’ll likely write about that sooner or later.

I am well and truly content in my life. If the phrase “by their fruits you shall know them” has any truth to it at all, I feel I must be doing something right. Which is why I say it’s wonderful. If the day comes that I have to fake Christianity in order to live, I could do that, but I’ll never abandon my Spirits. They are the wonderful that makes my whole life wonderful.

I am My Own Worst Enemy. Again.

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Last August, I started a store on Etsy. I’ve been making jewelry and other beaded crafts forever, and I thought, “why not?” I’d started making jewelry again, just for myself after a very long break. I was burned out. Not from the store, but from the additional drama and stupid emotional decisions I’d made while there.

Like I said in the title, again.

Having learned all those lessons and more, and having started my therapy jewelry, I started to believe I was healthy enough to at least wear my artwork. And I am. But selling it?

I’m in the middle of it now, so there’s no easy way of going back. 🙃

I didn’t go into this Etsy thing blind. I started, as most people do these days I suppose, with YouTube. I found a variety of Etsy “coaches,” each one having their own view on how to do Etsy “right.” Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of HORRIBLE “coaches” on YouTube. Especially post-pandemic. During the pandemic, you could throw almost anything up on Etsy and it would magically sell. Many self-appointed gurus took that and ran with it, making more money off of telling people how to make 100,000 a year off of Print-on-Demand.

Ummm…no. No, thanks.

Luckily, I wasn’t looking for a get-rich-quick scheme, so I avoided the worst of them. But I did find three potentially good coaches right away, and several I was keeping an eye on because they were still very “young” in YouTube terms. Good, but unproven. The coach I finally settled on had so much free content that I was flabbergasted. I learned so much just watching her free how-to videos. Not only that, but as I’m not Christian, she was obviously more accepting and understanding of the niche I’d intended to go into.

Somewhere between absorbing everything I could from her free content, and finally taking the dive into taking her course, I went from thinking I had the gist of SEO and believing I was awful at it, it was no good, and I sucked.

Self-esteem is one of my worst problems. Sigh

In that same space, I started to understand the POD world. I had started a Canva account because it was recommended by the Coaches, to use for the Etsy banner, and social media posts. I had begun getting arthritis in my fingers, and this was a different kind of creation that I could do and use different parts of my hands, at least.

  • One of the newer POD items; my very own Hekate design on a pendulum mat (mouse pad, lol). I’m pretty proud of this one!

I also started learning the fine art of resin pouring. 😉When I get some decent photos of those pieces, I’ll share them here first!

I also took a photo course through another coach who is AMAZING, that I learned of from my Etsy Coaches. Extra bonus points!

But…

There I was, about two months before my second Q4 go around. The first go round, I made…0. Nada. Zilch. I was hopeful that this Q4 would be better. And it was. Probably not as good as it could have been if I hadn’t absolutely given up on my SEO and just not added any at all. On 254 listings. Ouch.

If you don’t know what SEO is, it stands for Search Engine Optimization. My best explanation of it is that those are the sweet little words that people looking for what I’ve got use to search for it. If I have the same words the customers are using, then it’s a match and you’ll probably find me. If not, well, the chances anyone will find me are slim and none. Right.

Panic stricken, I started to add SEO and wouldn’t you know it? The same SEO I was using before landed my listings on the “front page” according to Erank. In other words, I was using the right SEO and didn’t know it. I had stopped adding SEO for no apparently good reason at all. I just didn’t have faith in myself.

I was still in panic mode, though. I had not only SEO for 254 listings to do but also had to create photos for 254 listings. At least 5 per listing. 254 times 5…

1270 photos.

Needless to say, I did not get it all done by the start of Q4. In fact, it’s still not all done. I’m finally okay with that. I let it go.

I did have better sales this year than last year, which isn’t surprising at all. I’m sure I could have done even better with SEO on everything, and I will get there. I don’t yet rely on this income, so I have some time. With the economy as it is now, I wasn’t even really expecting much. There’s nothing I make currently that would be necessary for anyone’s existence. Some of us are walking that line, and I get that.

The other contributing problem I encountered was my programming from Corporate America. Let’s face it, we’re trained from early on to work harder and faster, harder and faster, with less and less. This is my business. I’m the boss and the only employee. It’s not about doing things fast and getting them done “good enough.” It’s about doing it well, making things people will love that I can be proud of, and taking my time doing it right, not fast.

The SEO will get done when the SEO gets done. I’m committed to doing one or two, maybe even three listings a day, at a minimum. That’s enough. The rest of the time I can then commit to things like making new things, marketing, taking the best pictures I can, and customer service which means a LOT to me. 😎 I can honestly say that so far I’ve got the best customers on earth, EVER.

Oh, and I can finally get around to starting that email list I keep meaning to get to!

Therapy is working. I’m an old dog, but I’m learning some new tricks. I’m onto myself, too. When I approach something and feel like I just can’t do it right, I need to stop and think. Is it all in my head, or is there something to it? I really need to make friends with myself. I think that’s one of my major lessons to conquer in therapy.

Fashionably Late(er), Part Two: #OcculTea

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Finally, I get back to this blog and the next part of the #OcculTea discussion. It took me long enough, didn’t it?

We’re on Topic 2 today: Influencer Authenticity. Alright, I don’t consider myself an “Influencer.” Let’s face facts, most people have no idea who I am. Yet, lol. My opinions on this are definitely from the outside looking in, for the most part. I am on the Internet, so there will be a few things I’ll comment on from my own perspective, though.

Out of what I share on social media, how much of it is staged vs reality?:

At the moment, I don’t share anything personal in the way of religious or magical work online. I’m not sure where I’m standing with that at the moment.

I can’t see myself sharing pictures or videos of what I’m actually doing, no matter how picturesque they might be. There’s a number of reasons why not do to such things, in my opinion. I might share pictures or videos if I ever did work for someone else; but I’d only share it with them, not the entire World Wide Web.

What do I think staged vs reality is another question. And from this “outsider” I’m going to say that a good 95% of what is depicted online is staged, or outright faked. What can I say, I’m a skeptic.

This is where things start to get reallllllllly interesting

Do I think there is an element of censorship in online spaces? How do I decipher what is “appropriate” to share online vs what to keep privately? Is this based on “social media etiquette” or a personal preference?

Censorship. That’s a loaded word these days. There is some actual censorship in that each platform has its rules and regulations on what can be said on it. Its absolutely understandable. So yes, there is censorship but its nothing to be fearful of or angry about.

Is there peer-pressure based censorship? That’s another question. To my mind, most of that is related again, to which platform you’re talking about. But yes, it is out there, and on some platforms its out of control.

TikTok. TikTok is TikToxic. I have witnessed creators on that platform being canceled. Actually canceled. Not just bullied, but run off the platform (in one case several times) because of a video that somehow “offended”. Who did the video offend? Too often its defensive of someone who was allegedly defended. SO many white knights flying to defend the theoretically offended person of color.

Misunderstanding is rife; the vast majority of anger ridden youngsters (most of them are Gen Z) have no idea what they’re talking about, and there’s no explaining it. As a matter of fact, the more the victim tries to explain their stand, the worse the screams of APPROPRIATION!!!

They take everything out of its context. They do not have much knowledge of cultural history or what who did when or got what from whom. And they don’t care. They’re right.

There’s too damn much of that in the world. Everyone would rather be right than do the right thing.

How do I decipher what is “appropriate” to share online vs what to keep privately? Is this based on “social media etiquette” or a personal preference?

As far as the written word goes, I’d say I share just about everything that is mine to share. I’ll change names when its not mine to share. I don’t share information about other people, just myself. I don’t know if I’d say that’s necessarily “social media etiquette” as much as it is “media etiquette” as it was considered polite well before the Internet came around.

As far as pictorial evidence of what I do, or where I work (altars, etc.) I ask. Its really that simple. Its the same idea as changing names or not sharing stories that are not mine; if I take a picture of an altar, whichever altar, its not a picture of me. Its a picture of their space, and so its only polite to ask first.

I’d say its not quite either, then. Its really just polite, plain old etiquette. shrug

Have I ever encountered or heard of grifters in our community? Do I recognize them? What are significant signs of grifters in our community?

Now its getting juicy!

Yes. I have encountered grifters; grifters of many shapes and sizes, so to speak.

My favorite was a TikTok fellow who got angry and was trying to insult another creator, saying that she couldn’t even manage a basic glamor spell.

Ummmm…if you have to rely on and constantly use glamor spells to get work doing spells through TikTok? You’re not much of a witch. I know more than one who, with NO social media at all, NO glamor spells at all, is not only one of the most accurate witches I’ve ever known, she’s never had trouble finding work. It finds her.

The only thing that witch is fit to sell would be glamor spells. I wouldn’t trust him with any other work. Is he intentionally grifting? I wouldn’t make the accusation because I really don’t know. But I know he can’t be trusted, and that people are apparently paying him to conduct spellwork for them. Or at least that’s what he likes to make it look like online.

I suppose that’s one of the signs of a grifter, just being educated enough to know what is what, and logic enough to put 2 + 2 together.

Intuition will play in as well. Listening to that still, small voice that is screaming at you. Sometimes its much more abrupt and simple to see. That DM from that influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers that you adore, suddenly out of the blue, saying she got a feeling off of your picture and wants to “give” you a reading.

Personally, when I’m in the mood I love playing with those people. One of them said they had gotten a “feeling” off of my picture, when I was using a crystal formation as my pic. That was classic. They got SO upset they said my son would be dead in 24 hours. I don’t have any sons, let alone biological children.

Both my daughters adopted me when they were not only adults, but had their own children. I adore them like they were my own, and have known them since their vulnerable teenage years, but they’re not technically or legally my actual children.

The grifting of that sort is rife everywhere, on every platform on the internet. I’ve encountered it. But then, there are mundane scammers everywhere, so I’m not surprised in the least.

I despise, however, the ones who are obviously using their platforms to convince people to buy things that are absolutely wrong or unnecessary. Okay, I don’t know a witch alive who can resist crystals, that’s not worrisome in the least. But those lemon hex videos just make me want to scream. And cord cutting…so much cord cutting.

So there’s a lot of nonsense out there. Coincidentally I’m sure it occasionally appears to work, and so brings business. What’s that phrase, “a sucker is born every minute”? Its true. I don’t have any problem with it, honestly, except that they are requesting FAR TOO MUCH MONEY for services rendered, in most cases.

What tools are helpful to decipher information, and how can we as a community prevent widespread misinformation?

I’ve found, at least for me, that there’s a back-and-forth that’s necessary to ascertain truth. I’m an academic type, so I would stick to actual books, the nerdier the better. However, sticking to historical and/or archaeological resources only recreates a dead religion. Mine’s a living one.

In the witchcraft world, I’ve found some good information from books as well, but that alone isn’t going to assure the information is accurate, or that those spells work for your circumstances.

Experience combined with academics, combined with experience, combined with divination is the answer for me, at least. I’ve also found that discussions with someone whose opinion I trust can help clear out cobwebs when my logic isn’t logicking.

This is the real problem because I’ve seen so many people who want to jump right from wanting to be a powerful witch without any studying or practice or anything at all much. Read a book, and BAM! You’re a witch. Because, you know, after all, intention is the only thing that matters. That sentence alone has made more trouble in the witchcraft world than nearly any other sentence uttered. At least in the last 10 years or so.

What can the community do?

First problem, what community?

I’ve tried, very hard, in the past, to find such a beast. And I’ve failed horribly. For a number of reasons, several times actually, and I’ve learned a lot from both that experience and therapy. I don’t feel there is a community.

I feel there are people who think they ought to be in charge of a community. There are those who think they know what’s wrong, who’s wrong, and how to fix it all. But in a non-community full of people who don’t agree on more than one point at any one time, its awful hard to set “rules.”

Threefold law? Harm none? No particular rules at all? Black/white? Wait…no…its baneful now, not black. Grey? Polytheist? Witch? Wiccan? Heathen?

Its not a non-community, I suppose, as much as it is a loose affiliation of communities and loners who can’t agree on anything anyway, except perhaps their hatred of Christianity in most cases. That’s a whole different subject.

I don’t know that a non-community that can’t agree on what is correct and what isn’t correct can actually self-regulate scammers. Its bad enough now that the self-regulating world of TikTok likes to scream “APPROPRIATION!!!” any time a white person pulls out an egg. It just doesn’t seem possible or even a good idea to me.

How does a large following impact the perception of the creator? Does this immediately make them an “expert”? Or are there other assumptions as to why they may have a large following?

long, drawn out sigh…

I think my FB page for the business is about to hit 800, if I remember correctly. Yeah. NOT a big influencer/creator, not even close. So this one is definitely as seen from the outside!

Yes. It does impact the perception of the creator. For me, its for the worse. I don’t trust large creators as far as witchcraft or paganism goes. I’m actually less likely to believe them, normally. There’s a scale there. If there’s something they’ve done or are doing that I admire I might give them a little more authority. Maybe. On rare occasion. And honestly, that goes to everything.

Smaller creators have their place in the internet world, and honestly I trust them more. Not only because they’re smaller, and seem less of a “sell out,” but because they’re reachable. If I leave a comment, or a question, they’re more likely to see it and respond.

Larger creators don’t give an ish. You’re just a number, just another ad they’ve sold, or a potential client, or a potential buyer. Not a potential friend, rival, ally, consultant, conspirator, etc.

Larger creators also seem more fake to me. Maybe its just because they’re better produced, can spend money on a professional editor, and really good props. They pay attention to background and lighting, whereas a lot of us are lucky to upgrade a cell phone to film on.

They’re also, by and large, more attractive. Not necessarily physically although that’s a lot of it. Everything’s more attractive. They’re frolicking in deep woods amongst the bluebells, not a public park. They’re drinking herbal tea out of a classy cup-and-saucer instead of a tea bag out of a cheap mug. They have all the asthetics and none of the content.

Some of that, I believe, is also that to get to thousands of followers, you have to put out a lot of content. For some creators, its the same old Wicca 101 over-and-over-and-over. In order to keep your consumers coming back, you really do have to find that niche and stay in it. Making sure you give those consumers what they want.

Dear gods, that sounds dreadful to me.

I can see, easily, how dreadful and boring that could get. How it would suck the inspiration out of the creator and leave them feeling, and sounding flat. They might realize what’s happening, they might not. *shrug*

I don’t follow large creators, for the most part. Larger than me, sure, because everyone is. 😀 But the really big ones? No. I mean, some of that is because there aren’t that many creators covering information I would want.

I will say though, that’s true of most topics but not all. There are some history YouTube channels that I adore, and they’re pretty huge. They’re informational and entertainment, but generally I know just enough about the history they’re covering to get out if its not quite right.

How does one maintain the balance of authenticity and content creation?

To thine own self be true

That’s it. The creators that I will follow, regardless of size, are the ones that are authentically themselves. They speak from their heart, often off the cuff with no script or preconceived theme. I can’t get enough of that. They’re human. They’re relatable. They’re believable.

If a creator can resist following the money, and not simply pump out content that pleases one majority of their audience instead of speaking their truth, they’ll get my attention. But that’s not how to grow an audience usually, and the temptation to go after the big bucks is too great. I get it, if you’re going to put the effort into it, you want to make a decent living at it.

Its just not going to keep my attention. But then, I don’t assume I’m the target audience. Many people in this non-community seem to be happy to watch pretty nonsense instead of gritty truth.

Looks like there might have to be a part 3; we’ll see how long it takes me to finish THAT one, lol!

Fashionably Late, Part One: #OcculTea

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I watch an awful lot of YouTube videos these days. That habit began because I absolutely detest commercials, and only got worse when I started researching Etsy. YouTube is a wonderful resource for all sorts of educational information, if you’re careful.

As I’ve been “witchy” for about 35 years or so, I don’t normally watch a lot of pagan/wiccan/witch content. So much of it is just Wicca 101, or other 101 types of videos, and those are simply not relevant to me.

Or so I thought.

I got myself a TikTok account so I could watch my daughters’ videos. I quickly discovered TikTok isn’t really the place for me, or at least I’m not the TikTok video kind of creator. I like words, written words, so I can think carefully before expressing myself.

I also prefer longer content. I just don’t have the patience for tiny little videos and scroll, scroll, scroll…If a video is less than 20 minutes I feel jilted.

I did, however, find a few excellent creators over there who happened to have YouTube channels, and so I recently began following them. So that is how I finally caught wind of #OcculTea. As a woman with a lot of opinions, I couldn’t resist throwing in my two cents and change, so here I am.

This hashtag was started by three content creators from YouTube; Ella Harrison, The Redheaded Witch, and the Polish Folk Witch. Admittedly, I wasn’t following any of them, but I’ve now watched at least a couple of their entries about this topic. I’ll likely be watching more of them later, but I really didn’t want to be any later to this party than I already am. I believe the post was shared first to Instagram, not YouTube, but I’m not over there just yet so I’m not sure.

Introduction: Introduce yourself. How long have you been participating in the witchcraft online space? What practices and topics do you discuss primarily?

I have a whole page here as an introduction, but I’ll try to give a quick re-introduction in case anyone is here straight from the hashtag and hasn’t read it yet.

I go by Camylleon. Its a nickname I started with back when AOL first went to 13 characters from 8, and I was too excited that I was able to get a name that didn’t have to have numbers on it. That’ll give you an idea of how long I’ve been online.

I was immediately at least reading in the witchcraft spaces I could find back then, because it was a lifeline. Up to that point, I had been scrambling to piece together information from library books, what few books I could afford from a local metaphysical store, and what little they carried at Borders.

Yeah, dating myself again. Borders. That goes back, doesn’t it? I wasn’t posting as much back then. I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer. I was learning. I was looking for teachers, information, anything. Times were tough. I even went through a three-level Wicca school. Paid for a lifetime membership and everything.

So to answer the second question, how long have I been participating? Oh, I guess the mid 90s? If my math is right, let’s say about 30 years or so, give-or-take.

What practices and topics do you discuss primarily? I’ve only just gotten started, twice now, maybe three times really, with this generation of this blog so its still sort of hard to tell. I ramble a lot. I like rambling. I haven’t really ruled anything out yet.

My own practice right at this moment is hard to explain. I can’t call it worship exactly. I work with Ancestral Spirits, primarily, but there are a few Deities around as well. I consider myself an Omnist. All Entities exist and are valid; every last one. I might disagree about different qualities or aspects of the Entity, but I’ve no doubt they exist.

All Spirits are, at the end of the day, Spirits. I don’t believe that humans quite understand the differences between disincarnate human spirits, saints, orishas, lwa, demons, angels, demigods, daimons, gods, etc., etc.

Currently, I’m spending most of my writing on sharing my journey and how I got here from there. I think its probably the most relatable part of who I am. Its something we all have in common, we learn as we go. Sometimes its harder and sometimes its easier, but we seldom end where we began.

TOPIC ONE: IMPACT ON COMMUNITY

What is my personal reasoning/inspiration behind sharing my practice online? Do I seek to educate, learn, or connect?

I don’t know that I’ve actually thought much about it. I have a long history of having my privacy invaded, so I suppose in some ways this is the only way I can do it anymore. If its public, it can’t be violated?

Despite having an abominable experience a number of years ago with yet another couple of leeches, I keep thinking that maybe someone out there wants or needs to hear what I have to say. Maybe someone else out there feels the same way I do. Maybe they need the encouragement and information I wanted and needed 30 years ago.

What am I looking to achieve by participating?

Nothing, except perhaps to throw my opinion out into the void, get it off my shoulders, and move on. Its a release.

As far as educate, learn, or connect…

I’m always looking to learn. I’ll happily share any knowledge I have if that counts as educating. I’m leery of “connecting,” though, as the odds seem pretty much against me in that department. Although I will say that when I connect and it sticks, I do pretty damn well. The few friends I’ve kept are some of the best a person could hope for.

I just get hurt more often than not. Still, I’m here so I suppose I’m willing to risk it. Therapy. Therapy helps a lot.

How do I believe social media, as a whole, has impacted the community?

Its all at once wonderful and horrifying.

But then, I keep saying it is what you make of it. So I suppose that explains it. People are all at once wonderful and horrifying.

If you fill your feed with cute puppies and kitties, that’s what you’re going to get. If you fill it with seething hate-filled rants from people who have the complete opposite views from you because you love to argue, that’s what you’re going to get.

Social media is us.

How do I think social platforms such as TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube have each impacted education/sharing information?

To me, two of those three haven’t done anything terribly good for either education or sharing information.

TikTok, in particular, is horrible. Sharing is easy, too easy. Anyone can do it, and it can be difficult for someone who is coming in with a blank slate to tell good information from bad.

There’s an awful lot of bad on TikTok.

There’s some good as well, but if I were going into it with no background information or damn good intuition to guide me, I’d be more confused or more misled, one or the other.

Both Instagram and TikTok are big on looks. The better you look, the better your following. They’re shallow platforms with unrealistic depictions of the “ease” of witchcraft, and if you ask me, the aesthetics of witchcraft.

I get it, its cool. Don’t get me wrong. I love the crystals and the mood lighting and the dried plants hanging all over. I want to live in the Practical Magic house, too. But that’s Hollywood, not reality. TikTok and Instagram are quite good at packaged sound bites of cute, repeated information. Not so good at actual education. At best, if you were looking at the Linktrees or other links in profiles, you might be able to find quality information if you dig. A lot.

Sharing, well, they’re both too good at that. Bad and good information travel like wildfire, and sometimes do as much damage.

I’ve also seen how peer pressure functions in those two platforms. There are fads, fashionable types or genres of witchcraft that I find suddenly everyone is practicing. Sometimes for the wrong reasons.

YouTube is slightly different. Not that there isn’t the same percentage of bad to good there, but to me there’s more variety. Longer video time also means its possible for those who want to provide information can share detailed, quality information. If they want to.

The problem there is that YouTube doesn’t exactly promote quality. It also promotes the pretty, the angering, the strong emotional reactions. So if you rely on the algorithm to suggest videos to you, you’re not going to find much. You have to be actively searching and in control of your feed.

It is also what you make of it. 🙂

Additionally, there’s a lack of good advanced information, and an awful lot of 101. I believe there are a lot of creators in all the different subjects on YouTube who just get burned out with being stuck in entry-level information. Its as tedious for them as it is for viewers.

Is consuming witchcraft content becoming a substitute for practice?

Not for me. Could it, though? Sure. Its not much different than people who read and research and research and read but never practice. That was me for an awful long time; I was simply not secure enough in my knowledge to do it myself, by myself.

That’s what can happen when people don’t have IRL guidance. When you have someone there to hold your hand, to walk you through it, its easier. Much easier, like so many things in life. Especially when people are shouting from the sidelines about whatever “law” you might accidentally break.

I finally got off of my ass and got to work, and once I did, I realized how silly I had been. I would imagine there are a lot of new, “Baby” witches in that same position. No shame.

There could also be people who will never actively practice. I don’t have a problem with that either.

If you know Christianity, or any other mainstream religion really, you quickly figure out that there are priests, lay people, and congregations. Not everyone is made to do the Spiritual Work. That’s one of the many reasons there’s televised services; not everyone can or wants to attend church, but they want it in their lives.

It doesn’t mean they’re any less believers, they’re any less pagan or what-have-you. Its just not their calling. They might attend large gatherings for holidays, post happy solstice messages on their social media, and watch as many witch or pagan videos as they like. It doesn’t mean they’re any less dedicated.

There’s a place for all of us.

Alright, I’m leaving it there because its quite long enough already! Part Two to be written when I’ve recovered!

Side Step

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Decisions, Decisions, Decisions…

I just did the math. I met my BFE (Best Friend EVER) 17 years ago. Its gone too goddamn fast. I can’t believe how long we’ve been together now, and at the same time it seems like we’ve known each other forever. Weird how that works, isn’t it?

I remember when I met her. I had moved the store from one side of the theater to the other which had given me a lot more room. It was still a ridiculously small storefront, but it was what I could afford, and it worked. Jewelry is, after all, pretty small.

I’d already been invaded by the first round of leeches. I’ve had problems with leeches all my life, so this was no different. Its only recently that I’ve been able to figure this problem out, and Bestie has been a major part of understanding why I keep getting into that cycle.

It took finding someone who knows how to be a best friend for me to be able to compare and understand who isn’t a friend, to start on that path.

The leeches in this part of my life we’ve been referring to as the “Evil Three.” Not as much for anonymity as because it seems people we never want to see again have a strange way of showing up after we say their names out loud. Call it superstition, call it evocation magic, but it happens an awful lot. Its been nearly 20 years since they’ve been relevant, let alone evil, but we’ll roll with this for now.

The players here are Evil A, Evil J, and Evil M. M wasn’t as evil as the other two; he was as much a victim as I was, however he had a helluva anger issue, and lost all concepts of rationality when he’d get angry. He was also hopelessly (and stupidly) in love with Evil A, so he had a tendency to take her causes a bit too much to heart. To this day, I feel sorry for him.

I met Bestie when she came with Evil J to the store for the downtown business Halloween trick-or-treating. It was more of a social function than anything else, and Evil J was dressing as a witch. Bestie was ostensibly there to help her with her costume which was a witch complete with prosthetic nose.

A nose that Bestie and I realized she didn’t even need. It wasn’t much bigger than her own, frankly.

Now, when I started this store, and for that matter when I moved into this house some ten years later, I thought of myself as at least nominally Wiccan. I’d started drifting into polytheism by virtue of having run into a couple of Deities already, but I still thought in a Wiccan framework. When I set up my “Spooky Room” at the house here, I had four small altars for each of the Quarters, and the main altar in the middle so I could face whatever way I’d needed. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrry Wiccan-ish.

Bestie came in with this energy I was immediately drawn to. She has this bright red hair, a little girl voice that doesn’t match her physique but really matches her child like nature and joy, and she was wearing layers of beaded necklaces. I was so curious, intrigued, and drawn in. I always am curious about people who are different, so I suppose that isn’t all that odd for me. I didn’t want her to think she was some sort of freak show, so I was trying to let her release whatever information about herself she wanted to in a pace she was comfortable with.

That wasn’t easy!

As I remember it though, we took to each other immediately. Talking at a hundred words a minute or more. She was the first Voodoo practitioner I’d ever met, at least to my own knowledge. Curious doesn’t really even begin to explain it. Given I’ve had a hyper-fixation on religious beliefs and magickal practices as long as I can remember, to say I was obsessed is a polite term.

Thankfully, she seems to have felt the same way, and she came back. A lot.

But things happened, as they always do for me. The Evil Three became more and more controlling, more and more manipulative. They also showed up at the store more and more. It became harder and harder for me to get business in as they were generally always there, and it started to look like a hangout.

They weren’t the only ones, either. There was a handful of teenagers, or I should say successions of teenagers who did the same thing. I didn’t mind as much Friday nights as the town had a car show every Friday night so having people in and around the store wasn’t so very odd. But Evil A, in particular, began acting like she owned the place.

Now, I made several of my own mistakes in all of this, and I’m sure to get into those sooner or later. Some of that was that I was too sympathetic to Evil M. As I said, we’ll get there.

Evil J was the particular problem at this juncture though.

First off, I realized how little she actually knew. She’d been in a coven, I hadn’t. I wanted to have Wicca 101 classes at night once a week when we were closed. As I hadn’t been in an actual coven, I was a little insecure teaching that part of the religion. I could teach from a sole practitioner perspective, but the coven she’d attended had been Gardnerian. I wanted that input for the class. So I asked her if she’d like to teach the class with me.

The suggestion I made is that I would handle the spell work portion, if she’d handle the ritual portion. We could alternate weeks, and I’d jump in for the solitary work if she wasn’t comfortable with it.

We started off the first lesson with her presentation. I really ought to have discussed more with her before hand, I really ought to have…

Because immediately she got into spell work. She didn’t know the difference between spells and rituals. I don’t even think, in retrospect, that she understood the Wiccan holidays enough to describe them, let alone teach about them.

It was disappointing, to say the least.

Evil J almost immediately, as she saw Bestie and I bonding, started bitching. There was always something wrong about Bestie. It got old, fast. And as much as they were supposed to be best friends at the time, she was constantly putting her down. That is, unless she was bragging about her. If anyone at all said something about Bestie being smart, or cool, or impressed with her in anyway, suddenly Bestie was J’s friend. It was odd.

It didn’t take long for her to start shoving Bestie off, either. She didn’t drive, so she was dependent on the train. Her (at the time) boyfriend would pick her up from the train station. If she wanted to stay later or she missed her train, she would ask for J to take her home. Now J lived to the east of the store, Bestie lived one town farther to the east, about 10 minutes or so.

But it was too far for her. Every single time Bestie wanted to stay and asked if J would take her home, J would say yes, and then J would, without Bestie hearing, ask me to either persuade her to take the train or ask for someone else to take her home. After telling Bestie she would drive her home.

Sometimes I would just wait with Bestie at the train station, making jokes about it being such a “horrible neighborhood” that I didn’t want her to risk being there by herself. Eventually though, I started just driving her home. It was faster than the train, and we didn’t have to stand around at the station waiting, which made it even faster for her. It didn’t seem to take more than a few minutes for me to drive her either, so even though I was a good 45 minutes to the west of there, it wasn’t problematic for me at all.

And it gave us a chance to talk. Alone.

That explains how we got closer and closer. Considering the kind of people we both are, it also explains how we started exchanging information about religion and spellwork. Because of course we did. This also explains how I started to understand Voodoo.

It wasn’t long before we parted ways with the Evil Three. Maybe I’ll get into that some day, maybe not. There’s not a lot there I care about anymore, except for the lessons I learned.

Bestie quit her job and became my “work wife” not long after we saw the Evil Three depart. We spent more than eight hours a day together, six days a week, and never once tired of each other. In all our years, we’ve had one break down (I’ll get into that, for sure…) and I got mad at her exactly once, but it wasn’t even her fault then. I think she got mad at me once, too, so we’re even. In seventeen years. That’s not a bad run.

At some point between her being there sometimes and being there all the time, Bestie met a Babalawo at a local flea market where he had a booth. For those unaware, this is a type of priest through Ifa or Santeria. That’s how the Side Step happened.

Throughout this all, I’m wresting with what I’ve learned. Because someone so burnt by Christianity, who threw it out whole cloth, is going to have issues with Voodoo. Especially someone with one foot already in polytheism who hasn’t completely deconstructed Christianity yet.

Voodoo has a veneer of Christianity over it to this day. Some people have started trying to “restore” it to its original pre-slavery context, making it into some sort of African Polytheism, but that’s not the tradition practiced by most. For the rest of the world, they’re Catholics who happen to venerate the Lwa.

Then, Bestie ends up taking me in to see her Babalawo, who found my ruling Orisha. I had to start smashing square pegs into octagon shaped holes. It wasn’t easy. An awful lot didn’t get straightened out until I began to understand both the history of Christianity better, and the concept of Omnism.

Funny how our paths will seem so straight and predictable for years and years until we just get curious and find that weird path off to the side of the main path and we end up on a completely different, and even less trodden path.

Fresh Eyes

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Fuch’s Dystrophy is a condition where your cornea doesn’t release the liquid in your eye like it ought to. It makes for some gorgeous affects, and horrible driving. Especially at night. Everything has such beautiful auras. I’ve said it rather consistently now, its like living in Van Gogh’s Starry Starry Night.

Fuch’s Dystrophy. I know, it’s a weird name, isn’t it? Everyone pronounces it FOOCHES, likely to avoid the obvious. My Dad has it, so I knew it was distinctly possible I’d end up with it as well. Knowing what the symptoms are, it didn’t surprise me at all when I realized I was experiencing them.

It seemed just a matter of time.

I didn’t expect to be sent for surgery immediately. I figured there would be some sort of “conservative treatment” as it seems that’s what every doctor does first. Likely, that’s because that’s the demand of the insurance companies, but don’t get me started on that.

Van Gogh’s Starry Starry Night. See that aura on every star? Those swirls in the night? I did!

If you’re curious about it, Fuch’s Dystrophy at American Academy of Ophthalmology

When the yellow rotating light on top of a tow truck on the Interstate caused an affect something like a black hole, I knew I shouldn’t be driving at night anymore. The first time I saw the surgeon, she grounded me from driving altogether. That sucks.

Back in my Dad’s day, he had to have complete cornea implants. With stitches. He had to hang his head off the bed to sleep at night for three days or something like that. He popped the stitches on one eye and ended up having to live with that until he was up for a second set, about 20 years. Sounds like fun, right?

So I was nervous to say the least. Nervous but excited, and in a way, in an important way, lucky. See, my husband had a swollen blood vessel behind his left eye for which he gets injections. Then he ended up with shingles in his right eye for which he had drops; drops that caused a cataract for which he now needs surgery.

Lucky because although it was surgery and didn’t sound fun at all, it was “one and done.” No injections. A fair trade, I’d say.

The first surgery went along well enough except that the doctor failed to mention the aftercare instructions meant that for 24 hours I could only stand or sit for 15 minutes at a time, followed by an hour of laying flat with my head straight up and staring at the ceiling. Starting immediately. In order to get home then, we had a normally 45 minute drive which would have taken 3-4 hours, and then a postop first thing in the morning the next day. Um, no.

Without planning then, we found the closest hotel and I checked in. As I approached the counter, the desk clerk said the name of the clinic we’d been at. I guess the eye patch was a dead giveaway and we weren’t the first patients there. That was the case, as it turned out they had a patient discount.

This all seems like everything’s going along swell, right? Just wait for it…

They no longer perform a complete cornea implant for this Dystrophy. They graft. Sort of like patchwork. Its brilliant, because it means that a donated cornea can stretch so much further. The presurgical procedure for this involves a laser making a hole in the iris. My doctor told me it would feel like a rubberband snapped on my eyeball. She was right. That was exactly what it felt like. This creates a bubble in the eye that presses the graft into place and holds it there.

So far so good, right?

That night I was fine for a few hours but then I encountered horrible, terrible pain.

I had been told to call if there were any problems but does anyone ever really believe that? I didn’t. All I could take was Acetaminophen, and Acetaminophen PM, and boy howdie did I. Take the pill, go back to sleep. Fortunately the hotel had gigantic puffy pillows that made the perfect “V” shape to hold my head in place, so I was able to sleep.

I saw the doctor in the morning, and she knew what had happened almost immediately. I had somehow, by rubbing my eye or something, moved the bubble so that it was lodged behind my pupil.

That explained the pain.

She set me up for surgery immediately after her morning office hours. Their surgery center was in the same building, so all we had to do was move from one waiting room to another. Unfortunately, I had eaten that morning so all I couldn’t have had anesthesia. I didn’t care. It couldn’t hurt worse, and they promised me that I’d feel fine.

So I waited. By waiting, I mean I fell asleep. In one waiting room and in the other, leaning on my husband’s shoulder for the most part, and an obliging post for a bit. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and I wasn’t even popping the Acetaminophen PM anymore. But hell, it passed the time.

12:30 and they called me in for surgery. It was the lunch hour, so the surgical area was weirdly quiet as the team working on me were the only people back there. I was all comfy on the surgical cart, as ready as could be. The doctor was dressed for surgery, pulled the eye open, and said, “its back in place.”

The same way I’d knocked it out of place, I apparently knocked it back into place. Now that I was awake for a few minutes, I did finally notice that there was a lot less pain.

The second eye was a lot less trouble. We knew the routine now. I had a reservation and packed a bag for the hotel. The hubs got me set up, then went home to be with the cats & my best friend stayed the night with me. Hubs wanted to make sure there was someone with me, just in case. So we extended the stay an extra night just so we could just hang out.

I thought, for sure, that my eyes were as fantastic as they could be when this was all done. The actual healing was almost immediate. Two days, tops, and my vision was up to pre-surgery condition, a week and I could see better. That was it, I was sure.

Until they tested my vision. I now have my very first pair of all-day glasses. Not just readers, mind you. Proper glasses. I apparently now have an astigmatism, which doesn’t surprise me either. I thought my vision was as good as it was going to get, until I picked these up.

So I’m back to work. I can read. I can bead. I can create. Its keeping me busy, but then it was keeping me busy before, but I’m having a lot more fun with it now that I can see.

For Love or Money?


Maybe somewhere in-between? On a spectrum, perhaps? I know nothing about Etsy. Honest, I swear. I am no expert on Etsy. High Spirits Divine has been open for just a smidge over 3 years, technically, although I really didn’t get working on it in earnest for about 6 months after I opened it. I am no “six…

Camylleon's avatar by Camylleon

No Country for Old Women


I have always been, and seems I will always be the odd woman out. The extremely square peg. The redheaded stepchild. Finally, I can at least say I’m starting to get used to it. I have always wanted to find the place where I could be my complete and whole self in public. There’s no such…

Camylleon's avatar by Camylleon

Triggered?


Yeah? #MeToo. It’s not just the Epstein files, either. Granted, that was the beginning of this round, but certainly not the end for me, at least. The psychological issue that finally knocked my camel over was what is known as “Avoidant Personality Disorder.” It’s like Social Anxiety on crack or something. I avoid everyone and…

Camylleon's avatar by Camylleon 








					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Free to Worship or Not

			
						

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My years in Christianity weren’t exactly a waste, for all that they were debilitating to my psyche, I did learn quite a bit. Some of that was definitely painful and hard to extract from my brain later in life, some of it was life-changing and highly influential on my future spiritual and magical life. 





First and foremost, the Bible became one of my hyperfixations. Well before I knew what that was, I had begun reading books about “The Book.” You’ll hear zealous Christians constantly push reading the Bible, over and over again. Memorizing verses, reading obscure books out of it, and of course, believing the interpretation of whatever guru-type-pastor is in vogue today. If you’re the type that doesn’t passively read, if you’re the type of person who thinks and analyzes while reading as I am, this is a sure-fire way to read yourself back out of Christianity. Because that’s exactly what happened. 





I’m not just fixated on Christianity, I’m fixated on religion, and on mythology as well. When I started analyzing the Flood, for example, and realized that comparative religion and mythology had many similar tales, the passive reader might expect that is because the story is true. An active reader? I realized that yes, there were many similar stories. And I realized several were older than the earliest written Judaic text mentioning the story. So logic would have the older story as the more likely original. 





Ummmm…





If you’re wondering, this is still something I’m absolutely obsessed with, although I find it rotates regularly with other fixations now. As an adult, I don’t have quite as much time to devote to these studies of mine. I’ve added into the mix cults and what I’d call para-religions. I feel a kinship with people who have escaped cults, likely because of all they have in common with the Evangelical/Charismatic religion I’m a refugee of. 





Oddly, as its something I had to wrestle with, I also felt the presence of a god for the first time. 





You can imagine, I’m sure, this was a real bear to merge together. I threw out Christianity whole; baby and bathwater altogether. But at the same time, I had experiences that could not easily be dismissed. 





In the tradition I was raised in, there were three positions taken by the acolytes. The crucifer who carried the cross, and then the others who each held a torch on either side of the cross and just behind for the procession and recession. What I began to understand quickly is that the person who is the crucifer is the focus of attention and energy from the congregation. And in ECUSA, as in other traditions, there’s a reverence that’s given as the procession passes. If you’re even remotely sensitive (at the time I was very closed off energetically, its really amazing anything got thru at all, that will tell you how much I’m talking about here), you can’t help but feel that energy. You’re a funnel, taking all that energy, and its going through you to its destination. 





And yes, that destination is a Deity. Ironically, most Christians don’t have any idea of this at all. 





I did, and I do. It gave me a great deal of difficulty as I threw the entire belief system out, and wrestled with all the condemnation that came with that belief system. I embraced several different versions of paganism one, after the other, and every single time had to wrestle with where “God” and “Christianity” fit into my life. 





Santeria and Voodoo were the worst. Those born into those religions have no compunction at all about blending African spirits with the Christian God, Church, and all its trappings. They don’t even blink. It hurt me so horribly, I can’t even explain it. Its like trying to use an overnight bag when you’re going to be away from home for a month. It just didn’t fit. 





Here, at this place in the story, is where my hyperfixation comes in handy. 





There are a lot of gods actually written of in the Bible, most of which are buried under layers of culture and mythology. Two are closer to the surface than most; Elohim who is actually a pantheon of gods under a primary god named El (Get it??? Beth-El??? After you’ve seen it once, El is everywhere in the Bible…I love tying things together like that!), and of course Yahweh. Thing is, both these gods were Canaanite gods. Remember the Canaanites? The ones the Hebrews were instructed time and time again to steer clear of? Those same Canaanites is exactly where their primary god came from, a mix of El and Yahweh. Turns out the Hebrews very likely were Canaanites who split off and claimed this God as the god of their tribe. 





El and Yahweh have little else in common, frankly. El is the wise, old, white-haired gentle father god, and Yahweh is the vindictive, cruel god of storms, lightning and punishment. 





This is the moment I became an Omnist. I see it so clearly now that its ridiculous. There are indeed two different gods of the Bible, or at least there are two primary and active gods in our world today. There’s Yahweh, the god of Evangelicals and Conservatives who instructs hatred of the fellow man, cruelty, and war; and El, the god of peace, love, and understanding who we learn of through the Christ of the New Testament. 





Now, saying that either of those gods are gods doesn’t mean that I am called to them, or have any need to worship them. I can recognize that they exist along side my own Spirits because two things (or more) can actually be true at the same time. I don’t need El or Yahweh, and they don’t need me. I belong elsewhere. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you that you don’t belong with one or both of them. That’s your business not mine, and I’d no sooner try to tell you who to worship than I would tell you who to have sex with or not, for that matter. 





I am now free. Free to work with Spirits who are under the reign of Christ or El (I’ll keep away from Yahweh as much as I can, but thanks anyway) such as those Spirits of Voodoo or Ifa that I love, and not have to give up my pagan ways. I can follow new pagan and magical directions as my own Soul guides me because I do get instruction directly from my Spirits; and who am I to say that my Brigid is your Brigid? Perhaps she’s different, and then has different requests and needs? 

That’s a whole other can of worms though. I’d best stop here or I’ll never stop tonight! 





This blog post was written after I’d begun my evening “medication” (medical marijuana) please forgive any awkward phrasing or grammar, I will go back over it when I’m in a more sober state of mind. Expect editing!