Tag Archives: Evangelical

Triggered?

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Yeah? #MeToo.

It’s not just the Epstein files, either. Granted, that was the beginning of this round, but certainly not the end for me, at least.

The psychological issue that finally knocked my camel over was what is known as “Avoidant Personality Disorder.” It’s like Social Anxiety on crack or something. I avoid everyone and everything. Family, friends, society at large in person or on the internet. It doesn’t matter. I even avoid my husband by not doing most of the chores I’m in control of…I don’t want to be upstairs for any length of time at all. I used to hide in my closest as a child, but the basement is now my adult-size closet. Alone with my cats, hobbies, and computer, I avoid the world until I can finally handle all these feelings.

Thank the gods I have my therapist.

My time hasn’t been wasted because I’ve been absolutely obsessing over my business. It’s given me a focus, and a way to avoid the news which seems to be my major trigger. I went through all my Epstein-related anger quickly enough. It’s not an easy battle, but the first part of it was quick at least. Yes, I meant that #MeToo. Statistically 2/3 of women in the US have been raped, so I know I have plenty of company. I have a tendency to dismiss my own case because I didn’t even know there was such a thing as “date rape” when it happened. I didn’t have any idea of that for years after, and I finally had to recognize it for what it was. I managed to get through that, but I still dismiss it. I want to say I can’t possibly understand what those women went through but the truth of the matter is that I do, probably more than many and less than others. Because what they went through wasn’t just rape; it was the destruction of their innocence, and an extreme betrayal of their trust. That’s what happens when it’s someone you know. That was me.

Then the next realization hit me, that it’s not just the (and here’s where the swearing starts) FUCKING Epstein-Trump class that committed those atrocities. It was every single accomplice involved. Every single person who hid the facts, buried the investigation, and helped bring them victims. It was the Biden administration who had FOUR FUCKING YEARS to investigate without interference from them. Who COULD have stopped this all, investigated, and imprisoned. They could have prevented Trump from seizing power again. They could have prevented all the struggle and pain FOUR YEARS AGO.

That’s not saying that someone else couldn’t have stopped this before. Hell, Epstein was first found guilty and LET OFF WITH A SLAP in 2008. If those files had been exposed then NONE of this would have happened. They’d all be in jail. Jan. 6th wouldn’t have happened. 2016 wouldn’t have seen Trump’s first reign. Even if it had been a Republican in office, it would have been a normal Republican. Goddamn, I never thought I’d miss them quite so much…*sigh*

Then came the latest Iran war.

People who don’t know me don’t know my obsessions, one of which is Christianity. From being waist-deep in the Charismatic Movement through High School to my obsession with cults, I’ve been watching the lunatic fringe of Christianity for years. And I do mean years.

When I was involved in the Charismatic Movement, it was in the 80s. The Cold War. So it wasn’t just Christianity moaning and groaning about the world ending; we all thought it was a possibility. On the Secular side, most people were just worried because the rhetoric was fast and furious. The US and USSR were constantly getting in each other’s faces, supporting opposite sides in wars and waving nuclear weapons around. Movies were very post-apocalyptic. TV shows delved into Nostradamus and HIS predictions of the end-times, comparing his cryptic lettering to modern happenings.

I was absolutely positive the end was coming by 2000. I even swore never to have children because there was no way a child of mine could be more than 9 years old by the time the world ended, and that just didn’t seem fair.

I’m still watching them.

So when I heard there were red heifers smuggled into Israel, I knew what was coming. When I heard that one of them was “blemished” and used for a “practice” sacrifice, I wasn’t even remotely surprised. But I hadn’t expected for the lunatics to find a president to support them. But here we are.

See, the red heifer is necessary to sacrifice before the temple can be rebuilt. The temple that would have to be rebuilt where there is currently a Mosque. The Muslim government and population who own that Mosque would have to be eliminated by Israel before that can happen. And here we are.

The Israeli government doesn’t necessary believe any of that, and they don’t have to. Pretending to is enough to get the people in charge of our government to help them with their goal, which has always been to expand their tiny little piece of land and take every single inch of land that used to be Israel, like 4000 or so years ago. In some minds, it’s still theirs. It’s promised to them. In the minds of the Evangelicals, it’s also theirs. It has to be theirs before Christ will return. IGNORE the fact that Revelations hasn’t got a thing to do with “prophecy,” that it was referring to Rome, and that Jesus Christ, if he had been the messiah, should have eliminated Rome when he was alive. Technicalities. This is what the Evangelicals believe, and they’re rolling with it.

And when he finally gets here, all the Jews are supposed to convert or die, pretty much. So it’ll all wash out in the end. The Evangelicals will take the partnership because it’s useful at the moment, as the Israeli government will take their assistance to get what they want as well.

As much as I know better than to be afraid of anything actually happening by way of Christ returning or temples being rebuilt, I’m very practical about other disasters happening because these people are trying to bring about the end of the world. Like accidentally bringing about the end of the world with no savior coming around to make it worthwhile.

It makes me want to hide under my desk.

I never thought something like that could trigger me, but here I am. Another learning experience. 😆At 57. Yes, old dogs do learn new tricks. Between my therapy and my prescriptions, I’m keeping myself together and crawling out of it. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one with this issue, either. Given the number of people leaving the Christian church every year, there are likely an awful lot of us out there. Let me know if you’ve got that feeling, too. Find me on FB if you like, I’ll be sheepishly heading back there soon. (It’s ALWAYS really embarrassing to go back to a social group after one of my episodes; and embarrassment is one of the triggers for AVP, ain’t that great? 🤣) so I’d love to hear I’m not alone. Or give me some comments. Or likes. I could definitely use the love on this. For sure.

I’m thinking my next blog might be a little more…normal. I hope.

Thanks for being here.

 

 

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…

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Warning! Before you read any further, I’m about to discuss politics and magic in the same blog post. If you’ve no interest in either, feel free to move on. I’m aware that politics is a highly divisive subject and likely to lose me as many readers as I might gain from it. That’s fine. Leave with my blessing. I’m not going to hide my opinions on this subject because it’s beyond finances or policies, it’s about preserving the lives and liberty of people I love, including myself. 

I consider myself a Social Justice Witch. I haven’t had to Work much for myself and my family in years, thanks to My Spirits. I have the time and the energy to spend on the World and making it a better place for everyone. I realize not everyone has, and that everyone believes anything can be accomplished through Witchcraft, or Magic, or whatever you want to call it. I have dedicated myself to this now for years. 

Unbelievably, there’s an article from CBN (Christian Broadcast Network) of all places, that is making its rounds in the magical world. Inasmuch as I would never consider CBN to be a viable news source, the original source, if you will, seems to be The Toronto Star, These witches are trying to use their power to defeat Donald Trump. From there, Birmingham, Alabama’s ABC affiliate dug into Reddit to find a post regarding witches discussing the feeling that their spells just weren’t doing it, Self-proclaimed Witches Say Spells Won’t Work on Trump. 

Then, and only then, did it reach the radar of CBN among others. So now, of course, the Christian Nationalists who are fans of the current administration and it’s beloved “Project 2025” are aware of all this. I finally became aware of all this through a couple of different YouTube channels that I follow who had their own commentaries on this. One channel is primarily politics, and laughed at the whole concept more, or less. The other, a “witchy” channel, unfortunately agreed.

I say unfortunately, because if you’re one of the people who believe this, you need to take a good long look at yourself.

My first take on all this is that if you don’t think your spells are working, or believe that they can’t work, they won’t work. I realize that “faith” is something of a dirty word in magical circles these days, but the truth is that faith has a lot to do with magic. Faith in yourself, your gods, the vibrations of materials, whatever, but it’s faith, nonetheless. You must believe.

Your disbelief will undercut every Work you do. This is one of the reasons that some people in Chaos Magic working with Sigils will do the best they can to actually forget what they just did. If you forget, you can’t doubt. You can’t attack and self-defeat your Workings. You set them free to do what they were engineered to do and go on with your life.

It’s one of the hardest things to do in magic, to forget, to not worry, to absolutely believe that what you’ve just done will have the effect you desire. It takes an amount of confidence that, frankly, makes some people in the culture socially unsufferable. But that’s a topic for a different day.

My next point is that it takes time. Sometimes, it takes a lot of time for spellwork to Work. Just look at how many different parts have to be moved and shifted in order to change something as HUGE as the President of the United States. Just “binding” him is a feat of extraordinary scope, and that’s if all the participants of the group effort have the same concept of what binding even is. Binding him might not even be the best action to take.

This is my own personal opinion, as a poly-spiritist and a Social Justice Witch. Your perspectives will undoubtedly be different but give me a chance to express myself here. I mean, it is my blog after all. Their “god” is not omnipotent, omnipresent, or omnipotent any more than any other god. There, I said it. If you’re worried about him being protected by prayer, well, give their god a prayer of your own. There were cultures upon-a-time that would actually bribe the gods of the enemy, often successfully. They would simply promise the enemy’s deity that they would take better care of them, dedicate a temple, or a shrine or something. Might be worth a try.

You could also pray to one of the other gods of their Holy Book. Turn him in to Elohim or Asherah, for instance. Historically speaking, Yahweh was likely originally a god in the pantheon that was ruled by El, and the pantheon would have been referred to as Elohim. Asherah was the wife of Yahweh. One of them might have something to say about Yahweh’s behavior. Or, as some Christian Witches believe, the “god” of Christian Nationalists might be an Egregore. In which case, appealing to Yahweh, the true God of Christianity, might set that straight. That’s all, of course, if you’re a cleric type of magical person. If you don’t Work with deities, you’ve got a lot of other options.

Don’t attack the tree, attack the roots. Use your Craft and go after the members of Heritage Foundation, the Republican Party, various YouTube Evangelists and influencers. Go after Shittler. Divide and conquer by sewing discord between the various factions who support this regime. Influence your local governments, open the eyes of people individually to see what is actually going on with the Republican party and how it’s been taken over and replaced by what appears to be pure evil. Much like the rebellion that finally started in the GOP when the regime began attacking Medicare, Social Security, and Medicaid, you might see reactions when they realize that artificial insemination, condoms, and porn are on the cutting block according to Project 2025 as well. Facts matter; it’s just a question of what facts matter in whose life.

For those of us who are seriously opposed to interfering with the free will of anyone, there are plenty of options. Protecting the most vulnerable in our society, the most endangered, would be at the top of my list. Or hiding them. Giving strength and energy to those who are on the front lines of the battle, protestors, politicians, independent journalists, etc., and protecting them as they voice their opposition to Cheetolini.

There are so many roles to fill, so many possible ways to put your energy out into the world where it will make the most difference. No one is completely protected. No one is completely shielded. We just have to find the chink in the armor, much like the loose scale on the belly of Smaug. We have to be creative, sure, and direct hits will likely be deflected. That doesn’t mean we give up. It means we fight harder and more consistently.

Free to Worship or Not

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My years in Christianity weren’t exactly a waste, for all that they were debilitating to my psyche, I did learn quite a bit. Some of that was definitely painful and hard to extract from my brain later in life, some of it was life-changing and highly influential on my future spiritual and magical life.

First and foremost, the Bible became one of my hyperfixations. Well before I knew what that was, I had begun reading books about “The Book.” You’ll hear zealous Christians constantly push reading the Bible, over and over again. Memorizing verses, reading obscure books out of it, and of course, believing the interpretation of whatever guru-type-pastor is in vogue today. If you’re the type that doesn’t passively read, if you’re the type of person who thinks and analyzes while reading as I am, this is a sure-fire way to read yourself back out of Christianity. Because that’s exactly what happened.

I’m not just fixated on Christianity, I’m fixated on religion, and on mythology as well. When I started analyzing the Flood, for example, and realized that comparative religion and mythology had many similar tales, the passive reader might expect that is because the story is true. An active reader? I realized that yes, there were many similar stories. And I realized several were older than the earliest written Judaic text mentioning the story. So logic would have the older story as the more likely original.

Ummmm…

If you’re wondering, this is still something I’m absolutely obsessed with, although I find it rotates regularly with other fixations now. As an adult, I don’t have quite as much time to devote to these studies of mine. I’ve added into the mix cults and what I’d call para-religions. I feel a kinship with people who have escaped cults, likely because of all they have in common with the Evangelical/Charismatic religion I’m a refugee of.

Oddly, as its something I had to wrestle with, I also felt the presence of a god for the first time.

You can imagine, I’m sure, this was a real bear to merge together. I threw out Christianity whole; baby and bathwater altogether. But at the same time, I had experiences that could not easily be dismissed.

In the tradition I was raised in, there were three positions taken by the acolytes. The crucifer who carried the cross, and then the others who each held a torch on either side of the cross and just behind for the procession and recession. What I began to understand quickly is that the person who is the crucifer is the focus of attention and energy from the congregation. And in ECUSA, as in other traditions, there’s a reverence that’s given as the procession passes. If you’re even remotely sensitive (at the time I was very closed off energetically, its really amazing anything got thru at all, that will tell you how much I’m talking about here), you can’t help but feel that energy. You’re a funnel, taking all that energy, and its going through you to its destination.

And yes, that destination is a Deity. Ironically, most Christians don’t have any idea of this at all.

I did, and I do. It gave me a great deal of difficulty as I threw the entire belief system out, and wrestled with all the condemnation that came with that belief system. I embraced several different versions of paganism one, after the other, and every single time had to wrestle with where “God” and “Christianity” fit into my life.

Santeria and Voodoo were the worst. Those born into those religions have no compunction at all about blending African spirits with the Christian God, Church, and all its trappings. They don’t even blink. It hurt me so horribly, I can’t even explain it. Its like trying to use an overnight bag when you’re going to be away from home for a month. It just didn’t fit.

Here, at this place in the story, is where my hyperfixation comes in handy.

There are a lot of gods actually written of in the Bible, most of which are buried under layers of culture and mythology. Two are closer to the surface than most; Elohim who is actually a pantheon of gods under a primary god named El (Get it??? Beth-El??? After you’ve seen it once, El is everywhere in the Bible…I love tying things together like that!), and of course Yahweh. Thing is, both these gods were Canaanite gods. Remember the Canaanites? The ones the Hebrews were instructed time and time again to steer clear of? Those same Canaanites is exactly where their primary god came from, a mix of El and Yahweh. Turns out the Hebrews very likely were Canaanites who split off and claimed this God as the god of their tribe.

El and Yahweh have little else in common, frankly. El is the wise, old, white-haired gentle father god, and Yahweh is the vindictive, cruel god of storms, lightning and punishment.

This is the moment I became an Omnist. I see it so clearly now that its ridiculous. There are indeed two different gods of the Bible, or at least there are two primary and active gods in our world today. There’s Yahweh, the god of Evangelicals and Conservatives who instructs hatred of the fellow man, cruelty, and war; and El, the god of peace, love, and understanding who we learn of through the Christ of the New Testament.

Now, saying that either of those gods are gods doesn’t mean that I am called to them, or have any need to worship them. I can recognize that they exist along side my own Spirits because two things (or more) can actually be true at the same time. I don’t need El or Yahweh, and they don’t need me. I belong elsewhere. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you that you don’t belong with one or both of them. That’s your business not mine, and I’d no sooner try to tell you who to worship than I would tell you who to have sex with or not, for that matter.

I am now free. Free to work with Spirits who are under the reign of Christ or El (I’ll keep away from Yahweh as much as I can, but thanks anyway) such as those Spirits of Voodoo or Ifa that I love, and not have to give up my pagan ways. I can follow new pagan and magical directions as my own Soul guides me because I do get instruction directly from my Spirits; and who am I to say that my Brigid is your Brigid? Perhaps she’s different, and then has different requests and needs?

That’s a whole other can of worms though. I’d best stop here or I’ll never stop tonight!

This blog post was written after I’d begun my evening “medication” (medical marijuana) please forgive any awkward phrasing or grammar, I will go back over it when I’m in a more sober state of mind. Expect editing!