Tag Archives: gods

No Country for Old Women

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I have always been, and seems I will always be the odd woman out. The extremely square peg. The redheaded stepchild. Finally, I can at least say I’m starting to get used to it.

I have always wanted to find the place where I could be my complete and whole self in public.

There’s no such place. Utopia, right? Some of us get that joke. Utopia is a word that originally meant “nowhere,” because it doesn’t exist, and never will.

I can be me here. I can’t call it a community, but I can absolutely say this is me. Complete and whole. Don’t like it? That’s fine. I don’t like everyone on earth either. Just don’t expect me to care, okay? Move along. It’s what I do, what polite adults do. It’s all I ask.

It took a long time, but I found the absolutely perfect Etsy coach for me, who came with a beautiful community of incredibly creative people from Etsy. Not a group of let’s make another “Mama Shirt” creators. She understood paganism, at least to an extent, and I felt appreciated and that I could fit in there but…

I use Generative AI. They hate Generative AI. So much for that community. Odd woman out. Again.

Obviously, I’m the problem. I’m the reason the evil data centers are needed and being thrust upon the public where they’re not wanted or needed. Also, I’m STEALING FROM ARTISTS. Right.

Fine. Let’s just go there.

First, I’m not the ONE creating a need for data centers. You could take ALL the generative art designers in the US, and together we wouldn’t be the cause. Generative AI has been used in art for at least 4 years now, and LLMs for longer. We were fine with the data storage we had. That’s not the problem.

You’re looking for someone human who you can attack and will react to you for you to vent on. A convenient scapegoat. The truth is a lot more complicated but, hey, maybe those FLOCK CAMERAS might have to do with it? Maybe all the data that the Federal Government is HOARDING about every American Citizen would have something to do with it? And come to it, I’m sure that all those Fortune 500 companies tracking our every move online (Meta, anyone?) have something to do with it?

But sure, blame me.

For this first count, let me now tell you what I’m incredibly proud of. I now have Local AI. LOCAL. As in, it’s completely housed on my own computer. NO DATA CENTER USE AT ALL. So, to be as mature and adult as I can be about this, shut up. That complaint is completely invalid.

Now, as far as stealing from artists, I’m about to offend every artist on the internet. I know I am. But this is the absolute truth. There is not a single artist who has had their art stolen who has any art I would ever use in my products. There’s a world of reasons for that. Some of it is just rank amateur in my eyes. Some of it is a style choice, I don’t want to work with anything “cutesy,” or “Chibi,” or “Manga” or “Comic Book” looking. Not one spirit has expressed any interest in being depicted in those ways. Sorry, not sorry. They are, quite literally, my bosses.

Even in a situation where I might truly appreciate an artist’s style, what are the odds I will see the Spirit the same way? How many artists do you know who like to be instructed in every facet of a piece of art? Hair color, ethnicity, pose, facial expression, clothing choice, background…I am, again because of my bosses, VERY particular. Finding a piece of art online that I can just use as is? It’s really, really fucking hard. I’ve tried.

Here’s Anput. She was generated off of Anubis believe it or not. On the back of the journal, you can see the other items I generated. Even her buddy there on the cover was generated by me. All individually, then pieced together as a collage.

I’ve found a few, and I’ve used them. But when I started to stretch into the lesser-known entities, like Qebhet, for example, it wasn’t even a question of finding something I agreed with. I couldn’t find anything. Hell, I couldn’t even find a complete set of Canopic Jars and I felt those were EXTREMELY important for Anput’s images. It had to be right. That took me quite literally about 18 iterations to get that piece of art which is just one component in the overall piece.

Three different pieces made up this card back. One of them I bought, 2 I generated.

ALSO, if you were an artist, and you could put your art on a t-shirt yourself, why would you sell your art cheaper to someone else for them to do it? Its far more supportive of human artists to want them to make everything they can off of their art. I would gladly help anyone who wanted to go POD with their art, honestly. I want them to get out there and make a living off of it, and I find too many artists don’t have the business sense to do it.

I’m going long again, but just figure that I don’t write often, I write long 🤣

Here’s what my moral law is as far as art goes. I stick to the dead. I do not work with any art style that is recent. I personally like the 75 year standard used for copyrights and so on. The average age. Older types of art as well as art styles that were used for marketing or in such large quantities by so many people giving lots and lots of possible combinations, but most of the art I work with is, well Ancient Egyptian. Ancient Greek. Merovingian. Medieval Christian. Renaissance. The newest I think i have ever touched would be the Art Deco/Art Nouveau/Art Informel, etc., the heyday of which is about 100 years. I also NEVER USE AN ARTIST’S NAME. Never. I stick with styles, schools, movements, ages. That’s it.

Let’s face it, for the Entities I’m working with, the ancient forms of art work better anyway. Anubis looked better in Egypt, although I have to say I ran some patterns with Hekate in Egypt, and they were fire. We’ll see…Merovingian has given me some interesting results as well.

There’s a lot of fun to be had by combining styles and adding in different art terms. Throwing the term “dark” onto anything, or “gothic,” can change an entire look. Gives me that creativity that everyone assumes is missing from AI. Come on, Goth Nouveau? SO BANGING! Esoteric and Occult change the entire vibe of a piece. Goth Esoteric Les Fauves Art…would make a human artist’s head spin, but the AI keeps up with me and my vision.

I don’t just generate a piece and throw it on a product, either. When I started this adventure, I was using the Etsy guidelines; if it wasn’t your own art, it had to have at least two to three other pieces in it to make it your own. I started collaging. And I still do. That canopic jar? That was only one piece of about five I created or found for that Anput image. With the patterns I generate, I can put them on all sorts of different products and reuse the heck outta them so that the generation is anything but wasted. Not just that, either. I pull those apart and use as clip art in other pieces.

My current favorite Dionysus image, pilfered from my own pattern.

I am very frugal in all ways! 😊

The truth is, I’m a writer not a physical artist. Words are what I’m stronger with, and this is a format that is made for me. The better you can describe, the better the art. I can actually bring what I see to life and share it with you. I’m sorry, but to me that is art, although there are far too many people out there who have way too much hate for me for it. That’s my life.

I do not use the “art” word in public much. Too many people are biased against me to begin with. I will say designer, the ultimate compromise, much like I would say I was a “crafter” in my jewelry-making days. People hated me for that, too. I didn’t do anything but string beads, I wasn’t an artist…yeah, I’ve heard all this bullshit before.

If I wasn’t slowly losing my hands, I’d probably still be doing the jewelry. I had plans…I was going to do a LOT of crafting for my shop. If I can get a dx and the proper treatment, maybe I can still get some of it done. Currently, I have a melted knuckle, and other digits that feel like they’re going in the same direction. Its either RA or Sjogren’s, and I have way more markers for Sjogren’s, so that’s a little scary. It takes on average about 6 years for an actual diagnosis with that one; I don’t have that kind of time. I don’t mind the osteoarthritis, in my family that’s predictable. I’ve known I had the swan’s neck deformation when I was in my thirties.

This is different.

But I can still create and whether you like it or not, that’s what I’m doing.

At the end, I realize that I will lose potential business because of my decisions. I am alright with that. My Gods and Spirits are happy with me, and I know I will be cared for by them. At the end of the day, it’s Their approval that matters. Yours would be a bonus.

It’s Just Business?

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Can I tell you how much I detest that phrase? I’ve never had any use for it, and some of the worst people in my life have used that as an excuse for all sorts of horrid actions. It’s never been just business to me.

But then, I think I’ve vented about that before. I am me. I’ve worked very hard, and I’m still working very hard, to be me. I will not divide myself into bite-sized chunks for easy digestion. It just doesn’t work that way. My religion, witchcraft, crafts, arts, politics, humor, disabilities, and neuro-spiciness can’t be parsed out.

When I was searching my brain for a business name, for a brand, as they call it, I wanted something all-encompassing. Like this blog, it was going to be my home, so I needed to be comfortable in it, and feel it expressed all those facets of me-ness. I’ve had a few bad business names in my life, and I’ve seethed with jealousy at friends who just had the best, most creative, most interesting business names. No one seemed to be able to help me with that, though. I don’t know why but all those friends with brilliant business names weren’t able to help me come up with one for mine.

I was on my own.

The breakthrough came when I managed to get an email address with no numbers or extra letters for the name of one of my all-time favorite movies; “High Spirits.”

It’s an older movie, so I expect almost no one has seen it, and of the few who have, I suspect you might not remember it. Without exaggeration, this is one of the most accurate movies about Spirits I have ever seen.

Yes, it is a comedy. I mean, with Peter O’Toole and Steve Guttenberg I doubt there was any doubt in your minds about that. And still, a very realistic portrayal of Spirits. They are, for me at least, very much as they were in life. I don’t see them, so I don’t see the disintegration of the body so much as depicted in this movie, although I’ve hears some psychics who claim to see them this way. I have the feeling for the movie, it was more of a costume decision than an attempt at realism, though.

Obviously, that’s about all my business has in common with this movie. But it was definitely the inspiration. I could see that some would assume it was “high” as in certain recreational and medicinal substances “high,” but that wasn’t part of my inspiration for the business at the time. It is one of my me-ness facets, though, as I do use that substance medicinally as I have peripheral neuropathy. It’s one of the few substances I have found that actually works for nerve pain and is an excellent substitute for the prescription medicine that would otherwise be my only other choice.

Not that kind of “high spirits”!

There is a play on words here, though. Because in Spiritism I learned that praying for the Spirits enlightens them. A word play that absolutely works better in English. As a polytheistic Spiritist, as opposed to the normal Catholic flavor, I don’t necessarily see prayer as the connection here, but I do believe that communicating, working with them, and caring for them does “raise” them in a way. It’s not as much a matter of getting into heaven as it is improving the life of their incarnation present with me in this time frame but also gives them something of an edge on the other side. The details are still a bit unclear, but it’s what I’ve been hearing lately.

Naturally, the exact name of “High Spirits” was not available on Etsy. Which is fine. I don’t think I’d want it to be exact as then there could be potential conflict with the movie. As much as it is an inspiration for my business name, I did like the idea of setting myself apart. The obvious choice for me was to add “Divine.” More word play for the win!

Divine because for most of us, at least, the Spirits I am creating for are considered “Gods.” Whatever that is. 😉Gods are, no matter their characteristics, the definition of “Divine.” A word play needs two different meanings at least, so let’s throw on there that I also use divination to determine what to do for whom. Well, often I do at least. Sometimes it’s more of a known factor, and sometimes I have to whip out my pendulum and ask. I’m slowly becoming less dependent on the pendulum which is a big “YAY”. For a third part to this fun little word play, divine with a lower-case d, as in my designs are “divine.” Beautiful, or at least I like to think so.

There’s part of the Origin Story for High Spirits Divine Jewelry & Sundries 🙂. There’s more, of course, and I’ll get to it one of these days. In the meantime, I have some Dionysus products that I need to get out and some edits on Brigid I’m working on!

Honestly, these two are having a great time being difficult!

Do yourself a favor. If you haven’t watched High Spirits, give it a whirl. It’s on YouTube for free.

Business Anxiety Relief

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I have the best customers in the world.

There are a lot of companies, businesses, and people out there who might say that, but I actually mean it. I was really scared about customers when I first started with Etsy. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been. But you hear things, you know? Horror stories of people trying to return things and claiming they’re broken or lost or whatever, just to get their money back.

That kind of thing can really hurt a small business. As a business of one, my business is about as small as it can get. I’m probably even more paranoid because I’ve already closed one business. That hurt. A lot. It was frightening going back into the deep end. Hell, it took me about 13-14 years to recover enough to think about it. So yeah, I was scared.

When I started in on POD, I was even scared-er. It’s a new world. I have no control, really, on quality control, something I’ve always been extremely proud of with my jewelry and other beaded pieces. I have to trust that the company I’ve chosen is going to take care of my customers. YIKES. BIG YIKES!

As the holiday season began, and I actually had sales, I started to encounter problems. Not big ones, but still, problems. I was nervous and freaking out. A lot. My printers ran out of the mousepads I’m printing my pendulum pads on, the round ones, and of course I got an order for one. PANIC! I had no idea if they had simply run out of them, or if they were discontinuing them.

This just wouldn’t look the same if it were square!

Nervous beyond necessity, I messaged the printers first to try and find out if I was even going to be able to carry these things any more. Then, before it would be humanly possible for anyone to answer that question, I messaged the customer. I told them the situation, and a whole list of possible options. I could have it printed on a square mousepad, or we could upgrade it to either the wooden board or the leather one, but I couldn’t even get a preview of the leather one yet, so I had no IDEA what it would look like. Or we could wait, and see what the printers said.

My goodness, they were amazing. SO understanding, patient, and almost nonchalant about what seemed like a life-or-death situation to me! 🙂To say I was relieved was an understatement.

That story, of course, ended exactly as you probably thought it would. They had simply run short, in a couple of days they had refilled the supply, and it was printed and speedily on the way to that WONDERFUL human. Phew.

I’ve mentioned I have anxiety, right?

There was a “horrible” misprint of a Hekate journal that another customer ended up with. By horrible, I mean it was mildly wrinkled on a corner, and part of the cover wasn’t properly printed all the way to the edge. That can happen. But, naturally, I freaked out again. Another wonderful customer, though! They happily provided me with the photographic evidence I needed for the printer and BAM! Just like that it’s reprinted and flying on the way to them. Handled.

There was just a small, squished dent in one corner, but it was devastating to me!

WHY do I always panic?

Then, there are the customers who don’t know how wonderful, warm and fuzzy they’ve made me feel.

Every time one of the “patriarchy” variations sells, my heart sings. Every time I sell one overseas, even though the postage is outrageous, I feel absolutely loved. The latest was a customer who was not only overseas, but bought a shirt in a multiple X size. As a person of extra girth myself, it was really important to me to find sizes that go as high as I could possibly get, so I’ve chosen a printer who, at least in most styles, offers up to 5x. I’m irritated as hell that they charge me so much more for the larger sizes, but if I start selling more and can spread out the loss, I won’t pass that on to the customer anymore. If. I hope to. 💜 Knowing that someone purchased it, and appreciated it’s availability even though I had to charge more? Priceless.

Maybe someday I’ll stop panicking every time I run into a speedbump. With customers like this, I’m sure to. That and continuing my therapy!

It’s Wonderful

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Nothing’s Written in Stone

One of my favorite benefits to not following a written doctrine is that I get to “rewrite” my beliefs to my heart’s content. No one tells me what to believe, nothing at all is written in stone. I can bend, flex, shrug things off, and turn completely around as much as I like. I don’t normally do the complete 180 degrees, but I often go off at right angles.

My most complicated question for myself is what do I call myself. Not many people care, I think, and I don’t know why I do. Christians have it pretty easy with this. The denomination of the church you attend has a name, the church has a name. There are neat and tidy labels for everything.

With my just a “touch” of OCD, I do love labels. Too much. I guess in some way I crave them. I imagine the other factor in that it is damn hard to find a community if you don’t have a label. In order to agree on something, it’s sort of necessary to define it.

Granted, everyone seems to be okay with the myriad of terms that we all grab at to use daily. Pagan, neo-pagan, Wiccan, witch are all sort of used interchangeably. I wonder frequently if the people using these terms actually understand them. I mean, I knew a couple who proudly claimed to be “Wiccan” but had never heard of Aradia, which I would have considered mandatory reading upon a time. I guess I’m old! 😁

The long form of what I call myself, to those who actually ask, is “hard-polytheistic, poly-pantheonic Spiritist.” Even then I lose half the people I’m talking to. Few people seem to know the difference between “Spiritist” and “Spiritualist,” and lemme tell ya there is a pretty big difference there. However, even people who constantly practice Spiritism actually know what it is, or that it’s what they do. It’s what they’ve learned, and that’s what they practice, it’s just that simple.

Okay, it’s not actually that simple, but we’re not going down that particular rabbit hole today, if you don’t mind. If you really want to know and are just dying of curiosity, feel free to drop me a message or comment here, and I’ll get around to it!

I’m not even going to discuss the people who would tell me, vehemently, that you can’t work with Deities from different Pantheons. This is my belief system and I can do whatever I feel I am supposed to do, and it’s between myself and the Entities I Work with. You can do the same. I might think your beliefs are ridiculous, and you might think mine are. I won’t pick on you if you don’t pick on me. However, if you really feel pressed to tell me what I’m doing “wrong” be aware I’ll do the same for you. Also, thanks to therapy, I have learned how to use tools such as the “block button” efficiently and with great pleasure!

To review, I used to embrace the title of “Omnist.” It seemed to embrace everything all at once, which I loved. I still do, but it seems as though someone has organized some sort of religious grouping–church, coven, grove, temple, whatever–and named it Omnist. That wouldn’t bother me at all, except they seem to have dug up the old “ALL GODS ARE ONE GOD” thing, which is exactly opposite my own views. Once you’ve interacted with a Spirit of any kind, you get a feel for them, and they are all different. Extremely different, in some cases.

Whether or not I’m communicating directly with Gods or with their representatives or messengers isn’t quite clear to me yet but, they’re still different. With their own personalities, and methods of getting messages through to my very think mortal head. I just can’t get down with soft-polytheism.

As much as I want to belong to the right label, I equally don’t want to belong to the wrong label. So Omnism is officially out. For me, at any rate. Individual results will, as always, vary.

It didn’t take as long to find my very own personal term, one that I’ve never heard from anyone else, but is so incredibly simple that I think it’s moderately brilliant. Or not. Whichever, lol. As far as I know I’m the first, especially as there are so few people who actually know what Spiritism is, and that the majority of practitioners of Spiritism are Catholic (much as most of those who practice Voodoo are). They don’t really travel in “pagan” circles very often.

I know absolutely embrace the label of “poly-Spiritist.” Many, many spirits. Since my core belief gets down to one principle, that being that all Gods, Demons, Angels, Demi-gods, Daimons, Ancestors, Disincarnate Human Spirits, Fae, Orishas, Lwa, etc., are all Spirits, just different types of Spirits, I think it fits me pretty damn well.

Another difference between my own practice and others is the lack of worship. I don’t worship any Entity. I respect them, I love them, I cooperate with them, I give them “offerings,” and treats of various kinds, but it’s not in a spirit of worship. It’s rather in a spirit of love. I do these things because I want to, not because they’re demanded of me or because there’s some sort of pre-ordained ritual I must partake in because of the date or moon phase or what-have-you. We Work together. I can’t call it a friendship exactly, because they are not like me in many, many ways. But there’s no kneeling in this House. They’re my guides, my teachers, my family, my Guardians.

I am still a Witch, and always have been, always will be regardless of religious observations. Call it as you will, I practice magic or magick, whichever. I don’t often feel it necessary to perform much for myself or my family. There’s not much I have the need for in my own life. My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years, so I’ve no need of love spells. We have enough of what we need in this world, so I’ve no need of money work. I find myself with talent, time, and knowledge, but not a lot to do. This is why I’ve started my Social Justice Witchcraft. Unlike many, I am fortunate enough to have the time to Work for the larger world. For my friends, for those who are currently threatened in this social climate, for people not even here yet. That’s a different rabbit-hole, though. I’ll likely write about that sooner or later.

I am well and truly content in my life. If the phrase “by their fruits you shall know them” has any truth to it at all, I feel I must be doing something right. Which is why I say it’s wonderful. If the day comes that I have to fake Christianity in order to live, I could do that, but I’ll never abandon my Spirits. They are the wonderful that makes my whole life wonderful.

Free to Worship or Not

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My years in Christianity weren’t exactly a waste, for all that they were debilitating to my psyche, I did learn quite a bit. Some of that was definitely painful and hard to extract from my brain later in life, some of it was life-changing and highly influential on my future spiritual and magical life.

First and foremost, the Bible became one of my hyperfixations. Well before I knew what that was, I had begun reading books about “The Book.” You’ll hear zealous Christians constantly push reading the Bible, over and over again. Memorizing verses, reading obscure books out of it, and of course, believing the interpretation of whatever guru-type-pastor is in vogue today. If you’re the type that doesn’t passively read, if you’re the type of person who thinks and analyzes while reading as I am, this is a sure-fire way to read yourself back out of Christianity. Because that’s exactly what happened.

I’m not just fixated on Christianity, I’m fixated on religion, and on mythology as well. When I started analyzing the Flood, for example, and realized that comparative religion and mythology had many similar tales, the passive reader might expect that is because the story is true. An active reader? I realized that yes, there were many similar stories. And I realized several were older than the earliest written Judaic text mentioning the story. So logic would have the older story as the more likely original.

Ummmm…

If you’re wondering, this is still something I’m absolutely obsessed with, although I find it rotates regularly with other fixations now. As an adult, I don’t have quite as much time to devote to these studies of mine. I’ve added into the mix cults and what I’d call para-religions. I feel a kinship with people who have escaped cults, likely because of all they have in common with the Evangelical/Charismatic religion I’m a refugee of.

Oddly, as its something I had to wrestle with, I also felt the presence of a god for the first time.

You can imagine, I’m sure, this was a real bear to merge together. I threw out Christianity whole; baby and bathwater altogether. But at the same time, I had experiences that could not easily be dismissed.

In the tradition I was raised in, there were three positions taken by the acolytes. The crucifer who carried the cross, and then the others who each held a torch on either side of the cross and just behind for the procession and recession. What I began to understand quickly is that the person who is the crucifer is the focus of attention and energy from the congregation. And in ECUSA, as in other traditions, there’s a reverence that’s given as the procession passes. If you’re even remotely sensitive (at the time I was very closed off energetically, its really amazing anything got thru at all, that will tell you how much I’m talking about here), you can’t help but feel that energy. You’re a funnel, taking all that energy, and its going through you to its destination.

And yes, that destination is a Deity. Ironically, most Christians don’t have any idea of this at all.

I did, and I do. It gave me a great deal of difficulty as I threw the entire belief system out, and wrestled with all the condemnation that came with that belief system. I embraced several different versions of paganism one, after the other, and every single time had to wrestle with where “God” and “Christianity” fit into my life.

Santeria and Voodoo were the worst. Those born into those religions have no compunction at all about blending African spirits with the Christian God, Church, and all its trappings. They don’t even blink. It hurt me so horribly, I can’t even explain it. Its like trying to use an overnight bag when you’re going to be away from home for a month. It just didn’t fit.

Here, at this place in the story, is where my hyperfixation comes in handy.

There are a lot of gods actually written of in the Bible, most of which are buried under layers of culture and mythology. Two are closer to the surface than most; Elohim who is actually a pantheon of gods under a primary god named El (Get it??? Beth-El??? After you’ve seen it once, El is everywhere in the Bible…I love tying things together like that!), and of course Yahweh. Thing is, both these gods were Canaanite gods. Remember the Canaanites? The ones the Hebrews were instructed time and time again to steer clear of? Those same Canaanites is exactly where their primary god came from, a mix of El and Yahweh. Turns out the Hebrews very likely were Canaanites who split off and claimed this God as the god of their tribe.

El and Yahweh have little else in common, frankly. El is the wise, old, white-haired gentle father god, and Yahweh is the vindictive, cruel god of storms, lightning and punishment.

This is the moment I became an Omnist. I see it so clearly now that its ridiculous. There are indeed two different gods of the Bible, or at least there are two primary and active gods in our world today. There’s Yahweh, the god of Evangelicals and Conservatives who instructs hatred of the fellow man, cruelty, and war; and El, the god of peace, love, and understanding who we learn of through the Christ of the New Testament.

Now, saying that either of those gods are gods doesn’t mean that I am called to them, or have any need to worship them. I can recognize that they exist along side my own Spirits because two things (or more) can actually be true at the same time. I don’t need El or Yahweh, and they don’t need me. I belong elsewhere. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you that you don’t belong with one or both of them. That’s your business not mine, and I’d no sooner try to tell you who to worship than I would tell you who to have sex with or not, for that matter.

I am now free. Free to work with Spirits who are under the reign of Christ or El (I’ll keep away from Yahweh as much as I can, but thanks anyway) such as those Spirits of Voodoo or Ifa that I love, and not have to give up my pagan ways. I can follow new pagan and magical directions as my own Soul guides me because I do get instruction directly from my Spirits; and who am I to say that my Brigid is your Brigid? Perhaps she’s different, and then has different requests and needs?

That’s a whole other can of worms though. I’d best stop here or I’ll never stop tonight!

This blog post was written after I’d begun my evening “medication” (medical marijuana) please forgive any awkward phrasing or grammar, I will go back over it when I’m in a more sober state of mind. Expect editing!