Tag Archives: Christianity

Curious?

Posted on by
Reply

You’re in excellent company if so. I know I am. Always have been.

Curiouser and Curiouser

I think I talked about this before, but in case you missed it šŸ˜, I gave up on the “Children’s Library” in 3rd grade. I remember the day, although not the date, as if it was some sort of ritual. It was quiet, so quiet, and felt like walking into a church, especially after the chaos and bright colors of the children’s library which our library hid in the basement.

Because I do have a “touch” of OCD, I stared for a minute, looking at the plaques with the Dewey Decimal System codes on each bookcase, and decided to start where one always ought, at the beginning. I headed to the 000.00 section and began.

Things have changed quite a bit since then, but almost 50 years ago now (YIKES!) the 000.00 section began with the “unexplained.” Now, they’ve shoved computers in there as well, and who knows what else. In my day, though, I found ghosts, vampires, folk magic, witchcraft, and so much more. The Unexplained was right near to religion, psychology, and mythology, and it’s a miracle I ever made it out of that aisle, but I do remember making it all the way to history, which if I remember right was somewhere around 500-600. Again, though, its been many, many years so I could be incredibly wrong. I buy more than I borrow these days, so I don’t even really know what kind of changes have happened in all that time.

Also, we have a very disappointing library. It looks like a cathedral, a HUGE cathedral, but it was as though they paid for the building and didn’t have money for the books. After we got our own internet service, I didn’t hang out there nearly as long as I’d done at the library where I grew up. Sad, but true. šŸ˜¢

Curiosity, I tell you, guided my every step.

When I started https://highspiritsdivine.etsy.com, Ā I hit up ChatGPT because I hadĀ no idea what to call the Email Most people seem to use some variation of V.I.P.., I hate that. It just bugs me. Second, it doesn’t remotely fit the brand I’m trying so hard to stick to. The AI gave me four or five options, as I recall, and one of them was Curiosi. I knew, immediately, that this was theĀ one. Because Curiosity, I realized, is the one character trait weĀ all have in common.

By all, I mean all. When you look at everything that loosely gets thrown into that umbrella of “Pagan,”Ā (which really just means not a Christian, or worse, not educated. It was basically an insult, like calling someone a hick.)Ā it’s a huge mishmash of not-quite-related paths. There are some that seem very Christian based, or at least Abrahamic such as Ceremonial, Enochian, and even Christian witchcraft and most branches of ethic folk magic. At the other end of the spectrum, yet still within the Christian mythology, you’ve got Gnostics, and Satanists from Atheistic Satanists to Theistic Satanists. Then there’s Polytheists in both Hard and Soft forms, meaning some see Gods as different entities, and some see the Gods as different faces of some bigger deity that’s imperceptible by humansĀ unless we break it down into smaller bite-sized chunks. And that’s not all because there are witches of every single stripe from Atheistic to Theistic, Voudou to Earth Magic. Applachian Granny magic to Hoodoo. Manifesting to longer recipe-based spellwork. Enochian and Sorcerers summoning entities to perform services. Chaos magicians who…well, do whatever they like.

HOW do we lump us all in together? We all have some things in common, but none have all things in common. It’s not like other religious beliefs where you’ll have differentĀ denominations, and they all have at least the major deities in common. We’ve got bupkis, nada, zilch. Sometimes it even seems like we have no common ground at all.Ā 

But we’ve gotĀ curiosity.

If we didn’t all have this in common, every single one of us would still be participating in the religion and religious practices of our parents, grandparents, going back generations. I never would have picked up a book in the “Unexplained” section of the library, let alone “Drawing Down the Moon,” by Margot Adler, which was my gateway into paganism. I’d have accepted the Greek Myths in the context that they were given to me; stories from ancient people who didn’t understand anything and used mythology to explain the world around them. I certainly would never have even entertained the idea of casting a spell, even in a Christian context.

I remember Mary Trump said, although I don’t remember where, that her uncle (the president) had absolutely no intellectual curiosity. That was the first time I’d heard anything of the sort, and it seemed something incredibly terrible and, well,Ā boring. After contemplation though, I realize this is one of the biggest differences between myself and “the squares.” Many humans are completely satisfied learning the bare minimum in school, watching reality television, working at the same job or whatever job they can find in something of a zombie state, eating the same food all their lives.

I just can’t. When I got a new text book, I’d thumb through it excitedly and get mad when I’d get the syllabus and it wouldn’t cover some of the more interesting sections. So I’d read them anyway. I have one of my mom’s textbooks from college, I bought it used on Ebay (its not the same copy, she’s still got hers) because it explained the Anglo-Saxon wergild system, and their culture, better than some of the more modern books on the subject. When I opened an English textbook to read Samuel Coleridge Taylor’s poems after I’d seen a movie, I got stuck on the first poem, Beowulf, and started reading the book there.

I wish curiosity were contagious. This would be a far better world if more people had it in larger doses!

This is the glue between us. The books, the tomes, the online discussions on every forum going back to the AOL chatroom days forward. We all have a vital curiosity that drives us. Our paths wander and meander through different practices as we discover new information, meet new people, exchange techniques and theories. We grow in so many different directions, but at the same time, we allĀ grow.

My curiosity is insatiable. I have said over and over again the day I stop learning is the day I start dying.

 

 

Open Acts of Rebellion

Posted on by
Reply

Yes, that’s right, I’m dipping my toe back into politics again. The times being as they are, I’m particularly angry at the patriarchy. Well, more than normal. More than before the elections. Gee, I wonder why. (Obvious sarcasm is obvious) So this is a warning that if politics aren’t your thing, you might not want to stick around. Also, this post will most definitely appeal more to women, both cis and trans, and some of our fluid friends, and less-so to those concretely cis or trans male. There will also be mentions, likely brief, of my own mental health journey. You have been warned!Ā 

I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned, a few times, that I have some neurodivergence issues as well as anxiety and a whole mess of other fun stuff running around in my head. Some of it was a result of bullying and, well, parental issues. Most people can relate to all that, I’m sure. One of the side-effects was an absolutely abysmal self-esteem.

When I say abysmal, I mean I told my therapist I hate my face, and I meant it.

I’ve learned a bit about my dysfunctions now, and I’ve taken some steps to work on it. As progress came around and I stoppedĀ hating my face and moved into at least tolerating it, I started thinking about cosmetics.

There were a few other coincidental things that happened at the same time, like the mention of different influencers by someone I was already watching. Coincidence or divine intervention? Probably both, given my life.

You might have noticed, also, that a whole mess of people, mostly identifying as women, have been sporting bright red lipstick. When I looked into it, I found the rumor? Urban myth? That Hitler hated red lipstick and so it was considered patriotic during the WWII era.

AOC is one of the most well-known women with red lips these days aside from Taylor Swift. I’d have added her picture, but I don’t want to get sued!

Now, I can see that as a definite possibility as to why it’s popular now. But honestly, it’s a lot more complicated than that. Most things are, aren’t they?

So, as it turns out, nope. Hitler didn’t actuallyĀ careĀ about red lipstick in particular That was, and is, a myth.

However, its complicated, amirite? First off, red lipstick was one of the first lipsticks ever created. The Egyptians rocked it, for Pete’s sake.

As far as the “Western” (aka “white”) world goes, lipstick was “created” (because everything we ever do is new) so the man’s lips could be seen in all that hair when beards were all the rage. And because the male ego is so fragile in our patriarchy, they stopped using it as soon as women did, just like high heels and the color pink. Wimps.

Women have been fighting the patriarchy about makeup ever since. It was considered very naughty, like wearing pants, drinking, and smoking. We weren’t supposed to do it. Good girlsĀ didn’t. Like we weren’t supposed to have jobs, vote, or think. Let’s face it, that idea has survived through centuries now. Hell, I remember calling red lipstick “FMR” when I was in high school; “f*ck me red.” Good girls didn’t.

Thankfully, some of us didn’t listen.

During the suffragist movements of the early 1900s, red lipstick came out as a power move, a method of rebellion, of not taking the direction of men anymore. As far as “Christian western” civilization goes, that was the beginning.

If you’re thing is history and makeup, this channel is the BOMB. (Did I just date myself? Probably. *shrug*)

As Erin says in the video above, Hitler didn’t care. It cracks me up that Ava Braun had a tube of “Montezuma Red” on her dressing table, because the truth of WWII is that red lipstick was used against women. It was less about being patriotic or fighting Fascism, and more about being beautiful to maintain the men’s morale. Eye candy. Great. That kind of takes the entire point of the power of red lipstick away.

But let’s take another look at history, and culture right here. As much as Hitler didn’t hate red lipstick, it wasn’t encouraged for the most part. Women aside from those close to positions of power, were wearing the “natural look.” Women who wore makeup were considered cheap or tacky or, heaven forbid, “whores.” Sound familiar? Yeah, I’ve heard the same BS coming out of the mouths of MAGA members and incel trolls on the internet. It’s come around again. Watch a few tutorials or walk around a cosmetics counter or aisle. Neutral, neutral, neutral. BORING and neutral has been the theme as of late.

If I ever see another neutral palette, I will not be responsible for my actions.

Also on the Internet, we have such a selection of Trad Wives to follow. Good girls, at home, baking bread and caring for their 15 million children. Straight out of Handmaid’s Tale, I swear. How are they dressed? No pants for the most part, neat, tidy,Ā conservative, with no cleavage at all showing, and barely a shoulder or knee to be seen. Just like the Hitler Women.

The truth is that cults always control what is worn by its members. FLDS and their prairie dresses, Hare Krishnas with their saffron robes, Scientology with their imitation naval uniforms are all fine examples of wardrobe control in action. There are thousands more from more mainstream cults like Mormons all the way up to the far out of reality ones like Heaven’s Gate. Sometimes it’s a law and enforced, sometimes it’s a culture that’s readily adapted and accepted, but it’s almost always there.

It’s one of the ways those in power force us to walk in step.

And so, here is my decision. It’s not just about lipstick. It’s not just about red lipstick. It’s about creativity and freedom of expression. I don’t care which fashion you choose; it could be punk, goth, hippy, raver, disco, or alien. Rock that look; rock it hard. Rock it everywhere. Be a diva. Be YOURSELF.

It’s an open act of rebellion that we canĀ all participate in. Yes, men are invited as well, because let’s face it, they’re not “supposed” to. Ha. Let’s show them they can’t break us.

The irony is that I finally found my “perfect” shade of red and decided I just can’t do it that often. My hair is blue, and I am waaaaay too fair skinned not to look like a flag. sigh

That’s okay though, I have some groovy shades of blue, purple, silver, gold, and even green now…šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…

Posted on by
Reply

Warning! Before you read any further, I’m about to discuss politics and magic in the same blog post. If you’ve no interest in either, feel free to move on. I’m aware that politics is a highly divisive subject and likely to lose me as many readers as I might gain from it. That’s fine. Leave with my blessing. I’m not going to hide my opinions on this subject because it’s beyond finances or policies, it’s about preserving the lives and liberty of people I love, including myself.Ā 

I consider myself a Social Justice Witch. I haven’t had to Work much for myself and my family in years, thanks to My Spirits. I have the time and the energy to spend on the World and making it a better place for everyone. I realize not everyone has, and that everyone believes anything can be accomplished through Witchcraft, or Magic, or whatever you want to call it. I have dedicated myself to this now for years.Ā 

Unbelievably, there’s an article from CBN (Christian Broadcast Network) of all places, that is making its rounds in the magical world. Inasmuch as I would never consider CBN to be a viable news source, the original source, if you will, seems to beĀ The Toronto Star, These witches are trying to use their power to defeat Donald Trump. From there, Birmingham, Alabama’s ABC affiliate dug into Reddit to find a post regarding witches discussing the feeling that their spells just weren’t doing it, Self-proclaimed Witches Say Spells Won’t Work on Trump.Ā 

Then, and only then, did it reach the radar of CBN among others. So now, of course, the Christian Nationalists who are fans of the current administration and it’s beloved “Project 2025” are aware of all this. I finally became aware of all this through a couple of different YouTube channels that I follow who had their own commentaries on this. One channel is primarily politics, and laughed at the whole concept more, or less. The other, a “witchy” channel, unfortunately agreed.

I say unfortunately, because if you’re one of the people who believe this, you need to take a good long look at yourself.

My first take on all this is that if you don’t think your spells are working, or believe that they can’tĀ work, theyĀ won’t work. I realize that “faith” is something of a dirty word in magical circles these days, but the truth is that faith has a lot to do with magic. Faith in yourself, your gods, the vibrations of materials, whatever, but it’s faith, nonetheless. You mustĀ believe.

Your disbelief will undercut every Work you do. This is one of the reasons that some people in Chaos Magic working with Sigils will do the best they can to actually forget what they just did. If you forget, you can’t doubt. You can’t attack and self-defeat your Workings. You set them free to do what they were engineered to do and go on with your life.

It’s one of the hardest things to do in magic, to forget, to not worry, to absolutely believe that what you’ve just done will have the effect you desire. It takes an amount of confidence that, frankly, makes some people in the culture socially unsufferable. But that’s a topic for a different day.

My next point is that it takes time. Sometimes, it takes aĀ lot of time for spellwork to Work. Just look at how many different parts have to be moved and shifted in order to change something asĀ HUGE as the President of the United States. Just “binding” him is a feat of extraordinary scope, and that’s if all the participants of the group effort have the same concept of what binding evenĀ is. Binding him might not even be the best action to take.

This is my own personal opinion, as a poly-spiritist and a Social Justice Witch. Your perspectives will undoubtedly be different but give me a chance to express myself here. I mean, it is my blog after all. Their “god” is not omnipotent, omnipresent, or omnipotent any more than any other god. There, I said it. If you’re worried about him being protected by prayer, well, give their god a prayer of your own. There were cultures upon-a-time that would actuallyĀ bribe the gods of the enemy, often successfully. They would simply promise the enemy’s deity that they would take better care of them, dedicate a temple, or a shrine or something. Might be worth a try.

You could also pray to one of the other gods of their Holy Book. Turn him in to Elohim or Asherah, for instance. Historically speaking, Yahweh was likely originally a god in the pantheon that was ruled by El, and the pantheon would have been referred to as Elohim. Asherah was the wife of Yahweh. One of them might have something to say about Yahweh’s behavior. Or, as some Christian Witches believe, the “god” of Christian Nationalists might be an Egregore. In which case, appealing to Yahweh, the true God of Christianity, might set that straight. That’s all, of course, if you’re a cleric type of magical person. If you don’t Work with deities, you’ve got a lot of other options.

Don’t attack the tree, attack the roots. Use your Craft and go after the members of Heritage Foundation, the Republican Party, various YouTube Evangelists and influencers. Go after Shittler. Divide and conquer by sewing discord between the various factions who support this regime. Influence your local governments, open the eyes of people individually to see what is actually going on with the Republican party and how it’s been taken over and replaced by what appears to be pure evil. Much like the rebellion that finally started in the GOP when the regime began attacking Medicare, Social Security, and Medicaid, you might see reactions when they realize that artificial insemination, condoms, and porn are on the cutting block according to Project 2025 as well. Facts matter; it’s just a question of what facts matter in whose life.

For those of us who are seriously opposed to interfering with the free will of anyone, there are plenty of options. Protecting the most vulnerable in our society, the most endangered, would be at the top of my list. Or hiding them. Giving strength and energy to those who are on the front lines of the battle, protestors, politicians, independent journalists, etc., and protecting them as they voice their opposition to Cheetolini.

There are so many roles to fill, so many possible ways to put your energy out into the world where it will make the most difference. No one is completely protected. No one is completely shielded. We just have to find the chink in the armor, much like the loose scale on the belly of Smaug. We have to be creative, sure, and direct hits will likely be deflected. That doesn’t mean we give up. It means we fight harder and more consistently.

Fashionably Late(er), Part Two: #OcculTea

Posted on by
Reply

Finally, I get back to this blog and the next part of the #OcculTea discussion. It took me long enough, didn’t it?

We’re on Topic 2 today: Influencer Authenticity. Alright, I don’t consider myself an “Influencer.” Let’s face facts, most people have no idea who I am. Yet, lol. My opinions on this are definitely from the outside looking in, for the most part. I am on the Internet, so there will be a few things I’ll comment on from my own perspective, though.

Out of what I share on social media, how much of it is staged vs reality?:

At the moment, I don’t share anything personal in the way of religious or magical work online. I’m not sure where I’m standing with that at the moment.

I can’t see myself sharing pictures or videos of what I’m actually doing, no matter how picturesque they might be. There’s a number of reasons why not do to such things, in my opinion. I might share pictures or videos if I ever did work for someone else; but I’d only share it with them, not the entire World Wide Web.

What do I think staged vs reality is another question. And from this “outsider” I’m going to say that a good 95% of what is depicted online is staged, or outright faked. What can I say, I’m a skeptic.

This is where things start to get reallllllllly interesting

Do I think there is an element of censorship in online spaces? How do I decipher what is “appropriate” to share online vs what to keep privately? Is this based on “social media etiquette” or a personal preference?

Censorship. That’s a loaded word these days. There is some actual censorship in that each platform has its rules and regulations on what can be said on it. Its absolutely understandable. So yes, there is censorship but its nothing to be fearful of or angry about.

Is there peer-pressure based censorship? That’s another question. To my mind, most of that is related again, to which platform you’re talking about. But yes, it is out there, and on some platforms its out of control.

TikTok. TikTok is TikToxic. I have witnessed creators on that platform being canceled. Actually canceled. Not just bullied, but run off the platform (in one case several times) because of a video that somehow “offended”. Who did the video offend? Too often its defensive of someone who was allegedly defended. SO many white knights flying to defend the theoretically offended person of color.

Misunderstanding is rife; the vast majority of anger ridden youngsters (most of them are Gen Z) have no idea what they’re talking about, and there’s no explaining it. As a matter of fact, the more the victim tries to explain their stand, the worse the screams of APPROPRIATION!!!

They take everything out of its context. They do not have much knowledge of cultural history or what who did when or got what from whom. And they don’t care. They’re right.

There’s too damn much of that in the world. Everyone would rather be right than do the right thing.

How do I decipher what is “appropriate” to share online vs what to keep privately? Is this based on “social media etiquette” or a personal preference?

As far as the written word goes, I’d say I share just about everything that is mine to share. I’ll change names when its not mine to share. I don’t share information about other people, just myself. I don’t know if I’d say that’s necessarily “social media etiquette” as much as it is “media etiquette” as it was considered polite well before the Internet came around.

As far as pictorial evidence of what I do, or where I work (altars, etc.) I ask. Its really that simple. Its the same idea as changing names or not sharing stories that are not mine; if I take a picture of an altar, whichever altar, its not a picture of me. Its a picture of their space, and so its only polite to ask first.

I’d say its not quite either, then. Its really just polite, plain old etiquette. shrug

Have I ever encountered or heard of grifters in our community? Do I recognize them? What are significant signs of grifters in our community?

Now its getting juicy!

Yes. I have encountered grifters; grifters of many shapes and sizes, so to speak.

My favorite was a TikTok fellow who got angry and was trying to insult another creator, saying that she couldn’t even manage a basic glamor spell.

Ummmm…if you have to rely on and constantly use glamor spells to get work doing spells through TikTok? You’re not much of a witch. I know more than one who, with NO social media at all, NO glamor spells at all, is not only one of the most accurate witches I’ve ever known, she’s never had trouble finding work. It finds her.

The only thing that witch is fit to sell would be glamor spells. I wouldn’t trust him with any other work. Is he intentionally grifting? I wouldn’t make the accusation because I really don’t know. But I know he can’t be trusted, and that people are apparently paying him to conduct spellwork for them. Or at least that’s what he likes to make it look like online.

I suppose that’s one of the signs of a grifter, just being educated enough to know what is what, and logic enough to put 2 + 2 together.

Intuition will play in as well. Listening to that still, small voice that is screaming at you. Sometimes its much more abrupt and simple to see. That DM from that influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers that you adore, suddenly out of the blue, saying she got a feeling off of your picture and wants to “give” you a reading.

Personally, when I’m in the mood I love playing with those people. One of them said they had gotten a “feeling” off of my picture, when I was using a crystal formation as my pic. That was classic. They got SO upset they said my son would be dead in 24 hours. I don’t have any sons, let alone biological children.

Both my daughters adopted me when they were not only adults, but had their own children. I adore them like they were my own, and have known them since their vulnerable teenage years, but they’re not technically or legally my actual children.

The grifting of that sort is rife everywhere, on every platform on the internet. I’ve encountered it. But then, there are mundane scammers everywhere, so I’m not surprised in the least.

I despise, however, the ones who are obviously using their platforms to convince people to buy things that are absolutely wrong or unnecessary. Okay, I don’t know a witch alive who can resist crystals, that’s not worrisome in the least. But those lemon hex videos just make me want to scream. And cord cutting…so much cord cutting.

So there’s a lot of nonsense out there. Coincidentally I’m sure it occasionally appears to work, and so brings business. What’s that phrase, “a sucker is born every minute”? Its true. I don’t have any problem with it, honestly, except that they are requesting FAR TOO MUCH MONEY for services rendered, in most cases.

What tools are helpful to decipher information, and how can we as a community prevent widespread misinformation?

I’ve found, at least for me, that there’s a back-and-forth that’s necessary to ascertain truth. I’m an academic type, so I would stick to actual books, the nerdier the better. However, sticking to historical and/or archaeological resources only recreates a dead religion. Mine’s a living one.

In the witchcraft world, I’ve found some good information from books as well, but that alone isn’t going to assure the information is accurate, or that those spells work for your circumstances.

Experience combined with academics, combined with experience, combined with divination is the answer for me, at least. I’ve also found that discussions with someone whose opinion I trust can help clear out cobwebs when my logic isn’t logicking.

This is the real problem because I’ve seen so many people who want to jump right from wanting to be a powerful witch without any studying or practice or anything at all much. Read a book, and BAM! You’re a witch. Because, you know, after all, intention is the only thing that matters. That sentence alone has made more trouble in the witchcraft world than nearly any other sentence uttered. At least in the last 10 years or so.

What can the community do?

First problem, what community?

I’ve tried, very hard, in the past, to find such a beast. And I’ve failed horribly. For a number of reasons, several times actually, and I’ve learned a lot from both that experience and therapy. I don’t feel there is a community.

I feel there are people who think they ought to be in charge of a community. There are those who think they know what’s wrong, who’s wrong, and how to fix it all. But in a non-community full of people who don’t agree on more than one point at any one time, its awful hard to set “rules.”

Threefold law? Harm none? No particular rules at all? Black/white? Wait…no…its baneful now, not black. Grey? Polytheist? Witch? Wiccan? Heathen?

Its not a non-community, I suppose, as much as it is a loose affiliation of communities and loners who can’t agree on anything anyway, except perhaps their hatred of Christianity in most cases. That’s a whole different subject.

I don’t know that a non-community that can’t agree on what is correct and what isn’t correct can actually self-regulate scammers. Its bad enough now that the self-regulating world of TikTok likes to scream “APPROPRIATION!!!” any time a white person pulls out an egg. It just doesn’t seem possible or even a good idea to me.

How does a large following impact the perception of the creator? Does this immediately make them an “expert”? Or are there other assumptions as to why they may have a large following?

long, drawn out sigh…

I think my FB page for the business is about to hit 800, if I remember correctly. Yeah. NOT a big influencer/creator, not even close. So this one is definitely as seen from the outside!

Yes. It does impact the perception of the creator. For me, its for the worse. I don’t trust large creators as far as witchcraft or paganism goes. I’m actually less likely to believe them, normally. There’s a scale there. If there’s something they’ve done or are doing that I admire I might give them a little more authority. Maybe. On rare occasion. And honestly, that goes to everything.

Smaller creators have their place in the internet world, and honestly I trust them more. Not only because they’re smaller, and seem less of a “sell out,” but because they’re reachable. If I leave a comment, or a question, they’re more likely to see it and respond.

Larger creators don’t give an ish. You’re just a number, just another ad they’ve sold, or a potential client, or a potential buyer. Not a potential friend, rival, ally, consultant, conspirator, etc.

Larger creators also seem more fake to me. Maybe its just because they’re better produced, can spend money on a professional editor, and really good props. They pay attention to background and lighting, whereas a lot of us are lucky to upgrade a cell phone to film on.

They’re also, by and large, more attractive. Not necessarily physically although that’s a lot of it. Everything’s more attractive. They’re frolicking in deep woods amongst the bluebells, not a public park. They’re drinking herbal tea out of a classy cup-and-saucer instead of a tea bag out of a cheap mug. They have all the asthetics and none of the content.

Some of that, I believe, is also that to get to thousands of followers, you have to put out a lot of content. For some creators, its the same old Wicca 101 over-and-over-and-over. In order to keep your consumers coming back, you really do have to find that niche and stay in it. Making sure you give those consumers what they want.

Dear gods, that sounds dreadful to me.

I can see, easily, how dreadful and boring that could get. How it would suck the inspiration out of the creator and leave them feeling, and sounding flat. They might realize what’s happening, they might not. *shrug*

I don’t follow large creators, for the most part. Larger than me, sure, because everyone is. šŸ˜€ But the really big ones? No. I mean, some of that is because there aren’t that many creators covering information I would want.

I will say though, that’s true of most topics but not all. There are some history YouTube channels that I adore, and they’re pretty huge. They’re informational and entertainment, but generally I know just enough about the history they’re covering to get out if its not quite right.

How does one maintain the balance of authenticity and content creation?

To thine own self be true

That’s it. The creators that I will follow, regardless of size, are the ones that are authentically themselves. They speak from their heart, often off the cuff with no script or preconceived theme. I can’t get enough of that. They’re human. They’re relatable. They’re believable.

If a creator can resist following the money, and not simply pump out content that pleases one majority of their audience instead of speaking their truth, they’ll get my attention. But that’s not how to grow an audience usually, and the temptation to go after the big bucks is too great. I get it, if you’re going to put the effort into it, you want to make a decent living at it.

Its just not going to keep my attention. But then, I don’t assume I’m the target audience. Many people in this non-community seem to be happy to watch pretty nonsense instead of gritty truth.

Looks like there might have to be a part 3; we’ll see how long it takes me to finish THAT one, lol!

Side Step

Posted on by
Reply

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions…

I just did the math. I met my BFE (Best Friend EVER) 17 years ago. Its gone too goddamn fast. I can’t believe how long we’ve been together now, and at the same time it seems like we’ve known each other forever. Weird how that works, isn’t it?

I remember when I met her. I had moved the store from one side of the theater to the other which had given me a lot more room. It was still a ridiculously small storefront, but it was what I could afford, and it worked. Jewelry is, after all, pretty small.

I’d already been invaded by the first round of leeches. I’ve had problems with leeches all my life, so this was no different. Its only recently that I’ve been able to figure this problem out, and Bestie has been a major part of understanding why I keep getting into that cycle.

It took finding someone who knows how to be a best friend for me to be able to compare and understand who isn’t a friend, to start on that path.

The leeches in this part of my life we’ve been referring to as the “Evil Three.” Not as much for anonymity as because it seems people we never want to see again have a strange way of showing up after we say their names out loud. Call it superstition, call it evocation magic, but it happens an awful lot. Its been nearly 20 years since they’ve been relevant, let alone evil, but we’ll roll with this for now.

The players here are Evil A, Evil J, and Evil M. M wasn’t as evil as the other two; he was as much a victim as I was, however he had a helluva anger issue, and lost all concepts of rationality when he’d get angry. He was also hopelessly (and stupidly) in love with Evil A, so he had a tendency to take her causes a bit too much to heart. To this day, I feel sorry for him.

I met Bestie when she came with Evil J to the store for the downtown business Halloween trick-or-treating. It was more of a social function than anything else, and Evil J was dressing as a witch. Bestie was ostensibly there to help her with her costume which was a witch complete with prosthetic nose.

A nose that Bestie and I realized she didn’t even need. It wasn’t much bigger than her own, frankly.

Now, when I started this store, and for that matter when I moved into this house some ten years later, I thought of myself as at least nominally Wiccan. I’d started drifting into polytheism by virtue of having run into a couple of Deities already, but I still thought in a Wiccan framework. When I set up my “Spooky Room” at the house here, I had four small altars for each of the Quarters, and the main altar in the middle so I could face whatever way I’d needed. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrry Wiccan-ish.

Bestie came in with this energy I was immediately drawn to. She has this bright red hair, a little girl voice that doesn’t match her physique but really matches her child like nature and joy, and she was wearing layers of beaded necklaces. I was so curious, intrigued, and drawn in. I always am curious about people who are different, so I suppose that isn’t all that odd for me. I didn’t want her to think she was some sort of freak show, so I was trying to let her release whatever information about herself she wanted to in a pace she was comfortable with.

That wasn’t easy!

As I remember it though, we took to each other immediately. Talking at a hundred words a minute or more. She was the first Voodoo practitioner I’d ever met, at least to my own knowledge. Curious doesn’t really even begin to explain it. Given I’ve had a hyper-fixation on religious beliefs and magickal practices as long as I can remember, to say I was obsessed is a polite term.

Thankfully, she seems to have felt the same way, and she came back. A lot.

But things happened, as they always do for me. The Evil Three became more and more controlling, more and more manipulative. They also showed up at the store more and more. It became harder and harder for me to get business in as they were generally always there, and it started to look like a hangout.

They weren’t the only ones, either. There was a handful of teenagers, or I should say successions of teenagers who did the same thing. I didn’t mind as much Friday nights as the town had a car show every Friday night so having people in and around the store wasn’t so very odd. But Evil A, in particular, began acting like she owned the place.

Now, I made several of my own mistakes in all of this, and I’m sure to get into those sooner or later. Some of that was that I was too sympathetic to Evil M. As I said, we’ll get there.

Evil J was the particular problem at this juncture though.

First off, I realized how little she actually knew. She’d been in a coven, I hadn’t. I wanted to have Wicca 101 classes at night once a week when we were closed. As I hadn’t been in an actual coven, I was a little insecure teaching that part of the religion. I could teach from a sole practitioner perspective, but the coven she’d attended had been Gardnerian. I wanted that input for the class. So I asked her if she’d like to teach the class with me.

The suggestion I made is that I would handle the spell work portion, if she’d handle the ritual portion. We could alternate weeks, and I’d jump in for the solitary work if she wasn’t comfortable with it.

We started off the first lesson with her presentation. I really ought to have discussed more with her before hand, I really ought to have…

Because immediately she got into spell work. She didn’t know the difference between spells and rituals. I don’t even think, in retrospect, that she understood the Wiccan holidays enough to describe them, let alone teach about them.

It was disappointing, to say the least.

Evil J almost immediately, as she saw Bestie and I bonding, started bitching. There was always something wrong about Bestie. It got old, fast. And as much as they were supposed to be best friends at the time, she was constantly putting her down. That is, unless she was bragging about her. If anyone at all said something about Bestie being smart, or cool, or impressed with her in anyway, suddenly Bestie was J’s friend. It was odd.

It didn’t take long for her to start shoving Bestie off, either. She didn’t drive, so she was dependent on the train. Her (at the time) boyfriend would pick her up from the train station. If she wanted to stay later or she missed her train, she would ask for J to take her home. Now J lived to the east of the store, Bestie lived one town farther to the east, about 10 minutes or so.

But it was too far for her. Every single time Bestie wanted to stay and asked if J would take her home, J would say yes, and then J would, without Bestie hearing, ask me to either persuade her to take the train or ask for someone else to take her home. After telling Bestie she would drive her home.

Sometimes I would just wait with Bestie at the train station, making jokes about it being such a “horrible neighborhood” that I didn’t want her to risk being there by herself. Eventually though, I started just driving her home. It was faster than the train, and we didn’t have to stand around at the station waiting, which made it even faster for her. It didn’t seem to take more than a few minutes for me to drive her either, so even though I was a good 45 minutes to the west of there, it wasn’t problematic for me at all.

And it gave us a chance to talk. Alone.

That explains how we got closer and closer. Considering the kind of people we both are, it also explains how we started exchanging information about religion and spellwork. Because of course we did. This also explains how I started to understand Voodoo.

It wasn’t long before we parted ways with the Evil Three. Maybe I’ll get into that some day, maybe not. There’s not a lot there I care about anymore, except for the lessons I learned.

Bestie quit her job and became my “work wife” not long after we saw the Evil Three depart. We spent more than eight hours a day together, six days a week, and never once tired of each other. In all our years, we’ve had one break down (I’ll get into that, for sure…) and I got mad at her exactly once, but it wasn’t even her fault then. I think she got mad at me once, too, so we’re even. In seventeen years. That’s not a bad run.

At some point between her being there sometimes and being there all the time, Bestie met a Babalawo at a local flea market where he had a booth. For those unaware, this is a type of priest through Ifa or Santeria. That’s how the Side Step happened.

Throughout this all, I’m wresting with what I’ve learned. Because someone so burnt by Christianity, who threw it out whole cloth, is going to have issues with Voodoo. Especially someone with one foot already in polytheism who hasn’t completely deconstructed Christianity yet.

Voodoo has a veneer of Christianity over it to this day. Some people have started trying to “restore” it to its original pre-slavery context, making it into some sort of African Polytheism, but that’s not the tradition practiced by most. For the rest of the world, they’re Catholics who happen to venerate the Lwa.

Then, Bestie ends up taking me in to see her Babalawo, who found my ruling Orisha. I had to start smashing square pegs into octagon shaped holes. It wasn’t easy. An awful lot didn’t get straightened out until I began to understand both the history of Christianity better, and the concept of Omnism.

Funny how our paths will seem so straight and predictable for years and years until we just get curious and find that weird path off to the side of the main path and we end up on a completely different, and even less trodden path.

Free to Worship or Not

Posted on by
Reply

My years in Christianity weren’t exactly a waste, for all that they were debilitating to my psyche, I did learn quite a bit. Some of that was definitely painful and hard to extract from my brain later in life, some of it was life-changing and highly influential on my future spiritual and magical life.

First and foremost, the Bible became one of my hyperfixations. Well before I knew what that was, I had begun reading books about “The Book.” You’ll hear zealous Christians constantly push reading the Bible, over and over again. Memorizing verses, reading obscure books out of it, and of course, believing the interpretation of whatever guru-type-pastor is in vogue today. If you’re the type that doesn’t passively read, if you’re the type of person who thinks and analyzes while reading as I am, this is a sure-fire way to read yourself back out of Christianity. Because that’s exactly what happened.

I’m not just fixated on Christianity, I’m fixated on religion, and on mythology as well. When I started analyzing the Flood, for example, and realized that comparative religion and mythology had many similar tales, the passive reader might expect that is because the story is true. An active reader? I realized that yes, there were many similar stories. And I realized several were older than the earliest written Judaic text mentioning the story. So logic would have the older story as the more likely original.

Ummmm…

If you’re wondering, this is still something I’m absolutely obsessed with, although I find it rotates regularly with other fixations now. As an adult, I don’t have quite as much time to devote to these studies of mine. I’ve added into the mix cults and what I’d call para-religions. I feel a kinship with people who have escaped cults, likely because of all they have in common with the Evangelical/Charismatic religion I’m a refugee of.

Oddly, as its something I had to wrestle with, I also felt the presence of a god for the first time.

You can imagine, I’m sure, this was a real bear to merge together. I threw out Christianity whole; baby and bathwater altogether. But at the same time, I had experiences that could not easily be dismissed.

In the tradition I was raised in, there were three positions taken by the acolytes. The crucifer who carried the cross, and then the others who each held a torch on either side of the cross and just behind for the procession and recession. What I began to understand quickly is that the person who is the crucifer is the focus of attention and energy from the congregation. And in ECUSA, as in other traditions, there’s a reverence that’s given as the procession passes. If you’re even remotely sensitive (at the time I was very closed off energetically, its really amazing anything got thru at all, that will tell you how much I’m talking about here), you can’t help but feel that energy. You’re a funnel, taking all that energy, and its going through you to its destination.

And yes, that destination is a Deity. Ironically, most Christians don’t have any idea of this at all.

I did, and I do. It gave me a great deal of difficulty as I threw the entire belief system out, and wrestled with all the condemnation that came with that belief system. I embraced several different versions of paganism one, after the other, and every single time had to wrestle with where “God” and “Christianity” fit into my life.

Santeria and Voodoo were the worst. Those born into those religions have no compunction at all about blending African spirits with the Christian God, Church, and all its trappings. They don’t even blink. It hurt me so horribly, I can’t even explain it. Its like trying to use an overnight bag when you’re going to be away from home for a month. It just didn’t fit.

Here, at this place in the story, is where my hyperfixation comes in handy.

There are a lot of gods actually written of in the Bible, most of which are buried under layers of culture and mythology. Two are closer to the surface than most; Elohim who is actually a pantheon of gods under a primary god named El (Get it??? Beth-El??? After you’ve seen it once, El is everywhere in the Bible…I love tying things together like that!), and of course Yahweh. Thing is, both these gods were Canaanite gods. Remember the Canaanites? The ones the Hebrews were instructed time and time again to steer clear of? Those same Canaanites is exactly where their primary god came from, a mix of El and Yahweh. Turns out the Hebrews very likely were Canaanites who split off and claimed this God as the god of their tribe.

El and Yahweh have little else in common, frankly. El is the wise, old, white-haired gentle father god, and Yahweh is the vindictive, cruel god of storms, lightning and punishment.

This is the moment I became an Omnist. I see it so clearly now that its ridiculous. There are indeed two different gods of the Bible, or at least there are two primary and active gods in our world today. There’s Yahweh, the god of Evangelicals and Conservatives who instructs hatred of the fellow man, cruelty, and war; and El, the god of peace, love, and understanding who we learn of through the Christ of the New Testament.

Now, saying that either of those gods are gods doesn’t mean that I am called to them, or have any need to worship them. I can recognize that they exist along side my own Spirits because two things (or more) can actually be true at the same time. I don’t need El or Yahweh, and they don’t need me. I belong elsewhere. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you that you don’t belong with one or both of them. That’s your business not mine, and I’d no sooner try to tell you who to worship than I would tell you who to have sex with or not, for that matter.

I am now free. Free to work with Spirits who are under the reign of Christ or El (I’ll keep away from Yahweh as much as I can, but thanks anyway) such as those Spirits of Voodoo or Ifa that I love, and not have to give up my pagan ways. I can follow new pagan and magical directions as my own Soul guides me because I do get instruction directly from my Spirits; and who am I to say that my Brigid is your Brigid? Perhaps she’s different, and then has different requests and needs?

That’s a whole other can of worms though. I’d best stop here or I’ll never stop tonight!

This blog post was written after I’d begun my evening “medication” (medical marijuana) please forgive any awkward phrasing or grammar, I will go back over it when I’m in a more sober state of mind. Expect editing!

The Beginning

Posted on by
Reply

As with most people in the US of A, I was raised in a Christian household. Not my choice.

Like so many of us in the US of A who were raised in a Christian household, it messed with my mind. More than I ever knew, honestly. At the age of 52 my primary care doctor diagnosed me with anxiety when I broke down in her office. Again. The very first time I’d seen her, three years or so prior, I’d burst into tears and had a heart rate high enough that they slapped an EKG onto me to check my heart.

That was fun.

I was surprised and relieved all at the same time. She gave me a prescription and recommended therapy. I am happy to say that all the above is covered by our health insurance, a privilege not everyone in the US of A has. I am taking FULL advantage of this as long as I possibly can. After a false start with a therapist who did not fit me at all, my second try was a winner and I’m now actually starting to put myself back together again. Its been a long, hard road. Turns out that aside from the generic, garden variety social anxiety and the super-special avoidant personality disorder that comes up now-and-then, I also am the proud owner of some lovely PTSD, straight from Christianity.

And most of the damage was self-inflicted.

My major anxiety is related to a need for approval, love, acceptance. The usual, I suppose. This includes a need for my father’s approval. My father’s father was a Baptist minister, his mom played the organ for their children’s ministry. He converted to ECUSA when he and my mother married. Sweet, I know, but he never did lose the fire-and-brimstone edge to him .Now, they’re both Catholic and things got weirder. But we’ll get there eventually.

As explained to me by my therapist, we humans start to develop our own moral system somewhere around the age of 12 or so. I smothered mine. I forced my square peg into the Christian round hole (why does that sound mildly dirty?) for years. Forcing myself to accept the good girl myth and all the restrictions that come with it. I did some serious damage to my own psyche as a result. Could I blame my parents? Sure, plenty of people do. The truth is, however, that I’m complicit in this, and I know it. I own it.

At the height of my involvement with the Church, I was an acolyte (“altar girl”), a member of Junior Daughters of the King, I assisted Sunday School teachers (until they figured out I was too young), attended youth group weekly, and Bible Discipleship once a week. Fairly often, my brothers and I would be called in to assist at the early services when other acolytes weren’t available. On the most involved week, I would be at the 7:30 am service as an acolyte, I would be working for Jr. Daughters to tend the altar between services and lay out vestments, then down into the nursery to attend to that for the 9:00 service, again, for junior daughters, then I would attend the 10:30 or 11:25 services simply because I hadn’t sat through services myself yet. After lunch, I’d be at the church plenty early for youth group, and then Wednesday nights I’d return for Bible Discipleship. And that doesn’t include classes for my Confirmation.

I was involved.

Not all of that experience was bad. There were some experiences that have stuck with me throughout the years. At the same time, the damage I did to myself, the emotional and psychological damage that was done to me by both other church attendees and my own father are things I now have to deal with. You just can’t keep up with those expectations and live under a constant fear of hell without some damage.

When I was seventeen, the dam finally broke and broke with style although I hid it well. I still hide it well. My parents, now in their 80s, have no real concept of how far from Christian theology I have strayed. Everyone else in the world knows, but not my parents. Not because I’m seeking their approval still but because I love them. My mother isn’t as strict of a Christian as my father is still, to this day, and we’re extremely close. I love them both. They are true believers, and have every right to their own beliefs. But I couldn’t live my life happily if I thought they were on their knees praying for my soul every day of their lives. I will save them the anxiety and worry that I carry, I want them to enjoy these last years on earth.

There will be time enough for them to find out when they’re no longer physical beings.

This was originally published on my soon-to-be deleted blog W.I.T. on March 26, 2023