Tag Archives: polytheism

It’s Wonderful

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Nothing’s Written in Stone

One of my favorite benefits to not following a written doctrine is that I get to “rewrite” my beliefs to my heart’s content. No one tells me what to believe, nothing at all is written in stone. I can bend, flex, shrug things off, and turn completely around as much as I like. I don’t normally do the complete 180 degrees, but I often go off at right angles.

My most complicated question for myself is what do I call myself. Not many people care, I think, and I don’t know why I do. Christians have it pretty easy with this. The denomination of the church you attend has a name, the church has a name. There are neat and tidy labels for everything.

With my just a “touch” of OCD, I do love labels. Too much. I guess in some way I crave them. I imagine the other factor in that it is damn hard to find a community if you don’t have a label. In order to agree on something, it’s sort of necessary to define it.

Granted, everyone seems to be okay with the myriad of terms that we all grab at to use daily. Pagan, neo-pagan, Wiccan, witch are all sort of used interchangeably. I wonder frequently if the people using these terms actually understand them. I mean, I knew a couple who proudly claimed to be “Wiccan” but had never heard of Aradia, which I would have considered mandatory reading upon a time. I guess I’m old! 😁

The long form of what I call myself, to those who actually ask, is “hard-polytheistic, poly-pantheonic Spiritist.” Even then I lose half the people I’m talking to. Few people seem to know the difference between “Spiritist” and “Spiritualist,” and lemme tell ya there is a pretty big difference there. However, even people who constantly practice Spiritism actually know what it is, or that it’s what they do. It’s what they’ve learned, and that’s what they practice, it’s just that simple.

Okay, it’s not actually that simple, but we’re not going down that particular rabbit hole today, if you don’t mind. If you really want to know and are just dying of curiosity, feel free to drop me a message or comment here, and I’ll get around to it!

I’m not even going to discuss the people who would tell me, vehemently, that you can’t work with Deities from different Pantheons. This is my belief system and I can do whatever I feel I am supposed to do, and it’s between myself and the Entities I Work with. You can do the same. I might think your beliefs are ridiculous, and you might think mine are. I won’t pick on you if you don’t pick on me. However, if you really feel pressed to tell me what I’m doing “wrong” be aware I’ll do the same for you. Also, thanks to therapy, I have learned how to use tools such as the “block button” efficiently and with great pleasure!

To review, I used to embrace the title of “Omnist.” It seemed to embrace everything all at once, which I loved. I still do, but it seems as though someone has organized some sort of religious grouping–church, coven, grove, temple, whatever–and named it Omnist. That wouldn’t bother me at all, except they seem to have dug up the old “ALL GODS ARE ONE GOD” thing, which is exactly opposite my own views. Once you’ve interacted with a Spirit of any kind, you get a feel for them, and they are all different. Extremely different, in some cases.

Whether or not I’m communicating directly with Gods or with their representatives or messengers isn’t quite clear to me yet but, they’re still different. With their own personalities, and methods of getting messages through to my very think mortal head. I just can’t get down with soft-polytheism.

As much as I want to belong to the right label, I equally don’t want to belong to the wrong label. So Omnism is officially out. For me, at any rate. Individual results will, as always, vary.

It didn’t take as long to find my very own personal term, one that I’ve never heard from anyone else, but is so incredibly simple that I think it’s moderately brilliant. Or not. Whichever, lol. As far as I know I’m the first, especially as there are so few people who actually know what Spiritism is, and that the majority of practitioners of Spiritism are Catholic (much as most of those who practice Voodoo are). They don’t really travel in “pagan” circles very often.

I know absolutely embrace the label of “poly-Spiritist.” Many, many spirits. Since my core belief gets down to one principle, that being that all Gods, Demons, Angels, Demi-gods, Daimons, Ancestors, Disincarnate Human Spirits, Fae, Orishas, Lwa, etc., are all Spirits, just different types of Spirits, I think it fits me pretty damn well.

Another difference between my own practice and others is the lack of worship. I don’t worship any Entity. I respect them, I love them, I cooperate with them, I give them “offerings,” and treats of various kinds, but it’s not in a spirit of worship. It’s rather in a spirit of love. I do these things because I want to, not because they’re demanded of me or because there’s some sort of pre-ordained ritual I must partake in because of the date or moon phase or what-have-you. We Work together. I can’t call it a friendship exactly, because they are not like me in many, many ways. But there’s no kneeling in this House. They’re my guides, my teachers, my family, my Guardians.

I am still a Witch, and always have been, always will be regardless of religious observations. Call it as you will, I practice magic or magick, whichever. I don’t often feel it necessary to perform much for myself or my family. There’s not much I have the need for in my own life. My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years, so I’ve no need of love spells. We have enough of what we need in this world, so I’ve no need of money work. I find myself with talent, time, and knowledge, but not a lot to do. This is why I’ve started my Social Justice Witchcraft. Unlike many, I am fortunate enough to have the time to Work for the larger world. For my friends, for those who are currently threatened in this social climate, for people not even here yet. That’s a different rabbit-hole, though. I’ll likely write about that sooner or later.

I am well and truly content in my life. If the phrase “by their fruits you shall know them” has any truth to it at all, I feel I must be doing something right. Which is why I say it’s wonderful. If the day comes that I have to fake Christianity in order to live, I could do that, but I’ll never abandon my Spirits. They are the wonderful that makes my whole life wonderful.

Side Step

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Decisions, Decisions, Decisions…

I just did the math. I met my BFE (Best Friend EVER) 17 years ago. Its gone too goddamn fast. I can’t believe how long we’ve been together now, and at the same time it seems like we’ve known each other forever. Weird how that works, isn’t it?

I remember when I met her. I had moved the store from one side of the theater to the other which had given me a lot more room. It was still a ridiculously small storefront, but it was what I could afford, and it worked. Jewelry is, after all, pretty small.

I’d already been invaded by the first round of leeches. I’ve had problems with leeches all my life, so this was no different. Its only recently that I’ve been able to figure this problem out, and Bestie has been a major part of understanding why I keep getting into that cycle.

It took finding someone who knows how to be a best friend for me to be able to compare and understand who isn’t a friend, to start on that path.

The leeches in this part of my life we’ve been referring to as the “Evil Three.” Not as much for anonymity as because it seems people we never want to see again have a strange way of showing up after we say their names out loud. Call it superstition, call it evocation magic, but it happens an awful lot. Its been nearly 20 years since they’ve been relevant, let alone evil, but we’ll roll with this for now.

The players here are Evil A, Evil J, and Evil M. M wasn’t as evil as the other two; he was as much a victim as I was, however he had a helluva anger issue, and lost all concepts of rationality when he’d get angry. He was also hopelessly (and stupidly) in love with Evil A, so he had a tendency to take her causes a bit too much to heart. To this day, I feel sorry for him.

I met Bestie when she came with Evil J to the store for the downtown business Halloween trick-or-treating. It was more of a social function than anything else, and Evil J was dressing as a witch. Bestie was ostensibly there to help her with her costume which was a witch complete with prosthetic nose.

A nose that Bestie and I realized she didn’t even need. It wasn’t much bigger than her own, frankly.

Now, when I started this store, and for that matter when I moved into this house some ten years later, I thought of myself as at least nominally Wiccan. I’d started drifting into polytheism by virtue of having run into a couple of Deities already, but I still thought in a Wiccan framework. When I set up my “Spooky Room” at the house here, I had four small altars for each of the Quarters, and the main altar in the middle so I could face whatever way I’d needed. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrry Wiccan-ish.

Bestie came in with this energy I was immediately drawn to. She has this bright red hair, a little girl voice that doesn’t match her physique but really matches her child like nature and joy, and she was wearing layers of beaded necklaces. I was so curious, intrigued, and drawn in. I always am curious about people who are different, so I suppose that isn’t all that odd for me. I didn’t want her to think she was some sort of freak show, so I was trying to let her release whatever information about herself she wanted to in a pace she was comfortable with.

That wasn’t easy!

As I remember it though, we took to each other immediately. Talking at a hundred words a minute or more. She was the first Voodoo practitioner I’d ever met, at least to my own knowledge. Curious doesn’t really even begin to explain it. Given I’ve had a hyper-fixation on religious beliefs and magickal practices as long as I can remember, to say I was obsessed is a polite term.

Thankfully, she seems to have felt the same way, and she came back. A lot.

But things happened, as they always do for me. The Evil Three became more and more controlling, more and more manipulative. They also showed up at the store more and more. It became harder and harder for me to get business in as they were generally always there, and it started to look like a hangout.

They weren’t the only ones, either. There was a handful of teenagers, or I should say successions of teenagers who did the same thing. I didn’t mind as much Friday nights as the town had a car show every Friday night so having people in and around the store wasn’t so very odd. But Evil A, in particular, began acting like she owned the place.

Now, I made several of my own mistakes in all of this, and I’m sure to get into those sooner or later. Some of that was that I was too sympathetic to Evil M. As I said, we’ll get there.

Evil J was the particular problem at this juncture though.

First off, I realized how little she actually knew. She’d been in a coven, I hadn’t. I wanted to have Wicca 101 classes at night once a week when we were closed. As I hadn’t been in an actual coven, I was a little insecure teaching that part of the religion. I could teach from a sole practitioner perspective, but the coven she’d attended had been Gardnerian. I wanted that input for the class. So I asked her if she’d like to teach the class with me.

The suggestion I made is that I would handle the spell work portion, if she’d handle the ritual portion. We could alternate weeks, and I’d jump in for the solitary work if she wasn’t comfortable with it.

We started off the first lesson with her presentation. I really ought to have discussed more with her before hand, I really ought to have…

Because immediately she got into spell work. She didn’t know the difference between spells and rituals. I don’t even think, in retrospect, that she understood the Wiccan holidays enough to describe them, let alone teach about them.

It was disappointing, to say the least.

Evil J almost immediately, as she saw Bestie and I bonding, started bitching. There was always something wrong about Bestie. It got old, fast. And as much as they were supposed to be best friends at the time, she was constantly putting her down. That is, unless she was bragging about her. If anyone at all said something about Bestie being smart, or cool, or impressed with her in anyway, suddenly Bestie was J’s friend. It was odd.

It didn’t take long for her to start shoving Bestie off, either. She didn’t drive, so she was dependent on the train. Her (at the time) boyfriend would pick her up from the train station. If she wanted to stay later or she missed her train, she would ask for J to take her home. Now J lived to the east of the store, Bestie lived one town farther to the east, about 10 minutes or so.

But it was too far for her. Every single time Bestie wanted to stay and asked if J would take her home, J would say yes, and then J would, without Bestie hearing, ask me to either persuade her to take the train or ask for someone else to take her home. After telling Bestie she would drive her home.

Sometimes I would just wait with Bestie at the train station, making jokes about it being such a “horrible neighborhood” that I didn’t want her to risk being there by herself. Eventually though, I started just driving her home. It was faster than the train, and we didn’t have to stand around at the station waiting, which made it even faster for her. It didn’t seem to take more than a few minutes for me to drive her either, so even though I was a good 45 minutes to the west of there, it wasn’t problematic for me at all.

And it gave us a chance to talk. Alone.

That explains how we got closer and closer. Considering the kind of people we both are, it also explains how we started exchanging information about religion and spellwork. Because of course we did. This also explains how I started to understand Voodoo.

It wasn’t long before we parted ways with the Evil Three. Maybe I’ll get into that some day, maybe not. There’s not a lot there I care about anymore, except for the lessons I learned.

Bestie quit her job and became my “work wife” not long after we saw the Evil Three depart. We spent more than eight hours a day together, six days a week, and never once tired of each other. In all our years, we’ve had one break down (I’ll get into that, for sure…) and I got mad at her exactly once, but it wasn’t even her fault then. I think she got mad at me once, too, so we’re even. In seventeen years. That’s not a bad run.

At some point between her being there sometimes and being there all the time, Bestie met a Babalawo at a local flea market where he had a booth. For those unaware, this is a type of priest through Ifa or Santeria. That’s how the Side Step happened.

Throughout this all, I’m wresting with what I’ve learned. Because someone so burnt by Christianity, who threw it out whole cloth, is going to have issues with Voodoo. Especially someone with one foot already in polytheism who hasn’t completely deconstructed Christianity yet.

Voodoo has a veneer of Christianity over it to this day. Some people have started trying to “restore” it to its original pre-slavery context, making it into some sort of African Polytheism, but that’s not the tradition practiced by most. For the rest of the world, they’re Catholics who happen to venerate the Lwa.

Then, Bestie ends up taking me in to see her Babalawo, who found my ruling Orisha. I had to start smashing square pegs into octagon shaped holes. It wasn’t easy. An awful lot didn’t get straightened out until I began to understand both the history of Christianity better, and the concept of Omnism.

Funny how our paths will seem so straight and predictable for years and years until we just get curious and find that weird path off to the side of the main path and we end up on a completely different, and even less trodden path.

Free to Worship or Not

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My years in Christianity weren’t exactly a waste, for all that they were debilitating to my psyche, I did learn quite a bit. Some of that was definitely painful and hard to extract from my brain later in life, some of it was life-changing and highly influential on my future spiritual and magical life.

First and foremost, the Bible became one of my hyperfixations. Well before I knew what that was, I had begun reading books about “The Book.” You’ll hear zealous Christians constantly push reading the Bible, over and over again. Memorizing verses, reading obscure books out of it, and of course, believing the interpretation of whatever guru-type-pastor is in vogue today. If you’re the type that doesn’t passively read, if you’re the type of person who thinks and analyzes while reading as I am, this is a sure-fire way to read yourself back out of Christianity. Because that’s exactly what happened.

I’m not just fixated on Christianity, I’m fixated on religion, and on mythology as well. When I started analyzing the Flood, for example, and realized that comparative religion and mythology had many similar tales, the passive reader might expect that is because the story is true. An active reader? I realized that yes, there were many similar stories. And I realized several were older than the earliest written Judaic text mentioning the story. So logic would have the older story as the more likely original.

Ummmm…

If you’re wondering, this is still something I’m absolutely obsessed with, although I find it rotates regularly with other fixations now. As an adult, I don’t have quite as much time to devote to these studies of mine. I’ve added into the mix cults and what I’d call para-religions. I feel a kinship with people who have escaped cults, likely because of all they have in common with the Evangelical/Charismatic religion I’m a refugee of.

Oddly, as its something I had to wrestle with, I also felt the presence of a god for the first time.

You can imagine, I’m sure, this was a real bear to merge together. I threw out Christianity whole; baby and bathwater altogether. But at the same time, I had experiences that could not easily be dismissed.

In the tradition I was raised in, there were three positions taken by the acolytes. The crucifer who carried the cross, and then the others who each held a torch on either side of the cross and just behind for the procession and recession. What I began to understand quickly is that the person who is the crucifer is the focus of attention and energy from the congregation. And in ECUSA, as in other traditions, there’s a reverence that’s given as the procession passes. If you’re even remotely sensitive (at the time I was very closed off energetically, its really amazing anything got thru at all, that will tell you how much I’m talking about here), you can’t help but feel that energy. You’re a funnel, taking all that energy, and its going through you to its destination.

And yes, that destination is a Deity. Ironically, most Christians don’t have any idea of this at all.

I did, and I do. It gave me a great deal of difficulty as I threw the entire belief system out, and wrestled with all the condemnation that came with that belief system. I embraced several different versions of paganism one, after the other, and every single time had to wrestle with where “God” and “Christianity” fit into my life.

Santeria and Voodoo were the worst. Those born into those religions have no compunction at all about blending African spirits with the Christian God, Church, and all its trappings. They don’t even blink. It hurt me so horribly, I can’t even explain it. Its like trying to use an overnight bag when you’re going to be away from home for a month. It just didn’t fit.

Here, at this place in the story, is where my hyperfixation comes in handy.

There are a lot of gods actually written of in the Bible, most of which are buried under layers of culture and mythology. Two are closer to the surface than most; Elohim who is actually a pantheon of gods under a primary god named El (Get it??? Beth-El??? After you’ve seen it once, El is everywhere in the Bible…I love tying things together like that!), and of course Yahweh. Thing is, both these gods were Canaanite gods. Remember the Canaanites? The ones the Hebrews were instructed time and time again to steer clear of? Those same Canaanites is exactly where their primary god came from, a mix of El and Yahweh. Turns out the Hebrews very likely were Canaanites who split off and claimed this God as the god of their tribe.

El and Yahweh have little else in common, frankly. El is the wise, old, white-haired gentle father god, and Yahweh is the vindictive, cruel god of storms, lightning and punishment.

This is the moment I became an Omnist. I see it so clearly now that its ridiculous. There are indeed two different gods of the Bible, or at least there are two primary and active gods in our world today. There’s Yahweh, the god of Evangelicals and Conservatives who instructs hatred of the fellow man, cruelty, and war; and El, the god of peace, love, and understanding who we learn of through the Christ of the New Testament.

Now, saying that either of those gods are gods doesn’t mean that I am called to them, or have any need to worship them. I can recognize that they exist along side my own Spirits because two things (or more) can actually be true at the same time. I don’t need El or Yahweh, and they don’t need me. I belong elsewhere. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you that you don’t belong with one or both of them. That’s your business not mine, and I’d no sooner try to tell you who to worship than I would tell you who to have sex with or not, for that matter.

I am now free. Free to work with Spirits who are under the reign of Christ or El (I’ll keep away from Yahweh as much as I can, but thanks anyway) such as those Spirits of Voodoo or Ifa that I love, and not have to give up my pagan ways. I can follow new pagan and magical directions as my own Soul guides me because I do get instruction directly from my Spirits; and who am I to say that my Brigid is your Brigid? Perhaps she’s different, and then has different requests and needs?

That’s a whole other can of worms though. I’d best stop here or I’ll never stop tonight!

This blog post was written after I’d begun my evening “medication” (medical marijuana) please forgive any awkward phrasing or grammar, I will go back over it when I’m in a more sober state of mind. Expect editing!